The Complete Guide To Texting Etiquette, No Matter Who You're Texting

If you think about it, the fact that texting exists is pretty remarkable. In times past, the only real way to reach someone was by writing a letter like a character out of a Jane Austen novel that took weeks to arrive, or by calling them up and crossing your fingers they were around to answer. And then, cell phones came on the scene, and soon enough, unlimited texting became standard.

If you’re reading this, we’re willing to bet you’ve either been texting your entire life, or at least the majority of your life (yes, it’s really been over 20 years since phone providers in the U.S. started offering text plans). But does that necessarily mean you’re well-versed in the art of texting?

Even those of us who’ve never known a time before texting could use some training, advice, and guidance when it comes to the dos and don’ts of texting. Read on for our complete guide to texting etiquette – no matter who you might be texting.

If You’re Texting Your Family

Yes, even if you’ve known them your entire life, there’s still a thing or two to learn about what’s considered good etiquette when texting different members of your family. Here are a few tips to remember.

Tip 1: Unless it’s an emergency, only text if you know you won’t be disturbing their sleep. This might mean keeping big timezone differences in mind, but trust us – your brother who lives in Spain would much prefer it if you didn’t text him a meme at three in the morning.

Tip 2: If you haven’t talked to them in a while but need something from them, make sure to start off with something like, “How are you doing?” before launching into any requests. 

Tip 3: We all have countless things on our minds at all times, but if you can, try to remember the details they mentioned last time, like where your aunt’s daughter is going to college now, or the name of the new guy your sister is seeing, rather than asking for the information again and again.

Tip 4: Do your best to respond in a timely manner. While you don’t have to race to reply to every text, try not to be the person that no one expects to get a reply from.

If You’re Texting Your Boss

Texting your boss can be a bit nerve-wracking. How should you act? Should it be completely professional, or should you try to be friendly? There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this, but here are a few thoughts for when you’re texting your boss.

Tip 1: Follow their lead when it comes to friendliness. The baseline should be complete professionalism, but if they happen to throw in a smiley face, you can return in kind. However, we’d advise against using common text phrases like “LOL.” Try to maintain a sense of professionalism, because they are still your boss, not your friend.

The same sense of professionalism applies to how you communicate as well. Use correct spelling and grammar, actually use punctuation, and skip the slang and abbreviations. 

Tip 2: Be communicative without oversharing. Tell your boss all the information you need to, but don’t bother them with details they don’t need to know. For example, say you’ll be 15 minutes late because of an accident on the freeway, not that you spilled coffee on your blouse, spent a little too long stalking your ex on Instagram, and then you hit traffic.

Tip 3: Respond as quickly as you can. Your boss is (hopefully) texting you about something work-related, and that normally means it’s time-sensitive. So don’t put off replying if you can help it.

Tip 4: Unless it’s absolutely necessary, don’t text them outside work hours. Just like you wouldn’t want to hear from work on your time off, your boss will appreciate it if you don’t text them until they’ve clocked in again.

If You’re Texting Your Friend

Being her friend doesn’t mean you’ll automatically know all the texting etiquette there is to know. Not to mention, there’s a difference between texting your best friend and texting a newer friend. Here are our best tips.

Tip 1: Remember what was going on in her life the last time you texted her, whether it was yesterday or a few weeks ago. Was she applying for a job? Did she have a first date? Check in with her and ask about the current events in her life to show that you care.

Tip 2: Don’t only ever text her when you need something. This is a tip for the friend that you’d ask to feed your cat, but you’re not super close with. Even if you’ll never be each other’s maid of honor, try to at least be friendly with her through text instead of only asking for favors.

Tip 3: If you ask her how she’s doing, actually mean it. Don’t use that question just to start a conversation. Invite her to really tell you how she’s been feeling or what she’s been thinking about lately, and respond with thoughtful questions or observations.

Tip 4: Don’t make things all about you. We’ve all had that friend who only ever texts us to catch us up on her life or send us tons of pictures of her kids, without bothering to ask what’s going on with us. It’s okay to be the focus of the conversation sometimes, but just make sure you talk about more than yourself.

Tip 5: If you can help it, don’t text bomb her with more than just a few messages in a row, especially if you know she’s busy. There are few things as distracting as your phone buzzing every four seconds while you’re trying to finish a paper or a task at work. Also, try not to text before 8 a.m. or after 9 p.m. so you don’t accidentally interrupt her beauty sleep.

If You’re Texting Your Boyfriend

Yes, there’s even etiquette to keep in mind when texting your boyfriend. With each level of dating, there will be different texting protocols to follow. Here are a few things to think about when you’re texting him, however long you’ve been together.

Tip 1: Don’t play games – this goes for couples who aren’t yet exclusive. It’s best not to bother with the “wait double the time he took to respond to you” games you always hear about. If you want to text him, text him. This will free him up to do the same.

Tip 2: Try not to text him too much on guys’ night. While it’s normal to ask if he got home okay or to send a simple, “Hope you’re having fun!” note, let him have time with his friends without making him worry he’ll have 58 unread texts from you (instead, let him miss you!).

Tip 3: The more solid your relationship, the fewer rules there are around what time it’s okay to text, but as a general courtesy, try to be aware of his schedule and not text him too much when you know he’s trying to get some rest or is in a work meeting.

Tip 4: On a similar note to texting your friend, try to stay away from text bombing your boyfriend (or soon-to-be boyfriend) with a slew of random messages. He likes you, but that’s bound to get a little bit annoying after enough times. 

Closing Thoughts

Even if you’ve never known a world without text messaging, there’s definitely an art to texting, whether you’re messaging your aunt, your coworker, your high school best friend, or your boyfriend of two years. 

Support our cause and help women reclaim their femininity by subscribing today.