The Power Of Attraction: The Surprising Benefits Of Dating Someone Who Is Physically Appealing

The Evolutionary Explanation

Evolutionary research states that there’s an explanation for why we enter into relationships with those that we find physically attractive. Beauty standards such as youthfulness, strong physique, etc. are markers of attractiveness in Western culture. These physical characteristics are considered more positive or appealing because they are associated with being more fertile, or able to produce offspring. Markers of fertility trigger our evolutionary instincts to kick into action and cause us to be more attracted to certain men over others.

In fact, this phenomenon is so deeply ingrained in our instincts that it’s part of our genetic code. Human DNA includes a collection of genes known as the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC), which helps the immune system identify what is self vs. non-self. Certain organisms, like fish, birds, and mammals (i.e., humans), are most attracted to partners with very different genetic codes from themselves because this will increase the likelihood of having a strong gene pool and, in turn, healthy offspring. The way that our bodies can tell whose DNA is different or similar to our own is because of this unique patch of genes called the MHC. 

How about another scientific explanation? Dozens of species in the animal kingdom select their mate based on appearance alone. From peacocks to giraffes and honeybees to snails, several species are known to put on strong physical performances to attract a mate. And humans are no different.  

The Relational Explanation

Not only are we evolutionarily wired to be attracted to those who are visually appealing to us, but research has shown that physical attraction is critical to building and maintaining a healthy relationship. Of course, physical attraction alone cannot sustain a relationship – both partners must feel a sense of spiritual and emotional attraction to each other as well. And what many may not understand is that physical attraction is made up of more than just someone’s appearance. Research states that we tend to be attracted to those who make us happy or put us in a good mood. A man’s personality, how he makes you feel, and his values are all deeply interconnected and contribute to physical attraction. 

Physical attraction harnesses greater intimacy and connection and helps partners feel more bonded and attached to each other.

Beyond this, psychologists note that we associate other positive qualities with being good-looking. So chances are that if you’re physically attracted to a man, you will also believe that he is funny, generous, and kind. And since someone’s physical appearance is the very first detail you notice about someone, this is a major driver of attraction. 

The Logical Explanation

The fact is, your first impression of people is their appearance. Research says it takes less than one second from meeting someone to decide whether we’re attracted to that person. Think about how quickly people swipe on dating apps. Some of my single friends will swipe before reading a name or bio. Or think about the last time you were in a crowded room and you saw a good-looking guy. It doesn’t take you long to realize whether you’re physically attracted to someone or not. This is because your body will indicate physical responses, such as a faster heartbeat or a rush of adrenaline. If your body physically indicates signs of attraction, you shouldn't feel bad about wanting to pursue a relationship with that person. And although looks may be the first thing we notice about someone else, it’s certainly not the only thing.

Maybe you find yourself being attracted to men with a certain hair color, physique, or height. All of these things are okay, and it’s normal to have preferences, or what some people call a “type.” Having a type and knowing who and what you prefer in a man is helpful when dating because then you won’t waste your time getting to know men who you aren’t physically attracted to. Plus, people having diverse preferences in their partner’s physical appearance, which enables everyone to find their correct partner. 

Why Do We Subscribe to This Narrative?

Surveys, science, and studies all say how important it is to be physically attracted to your romantic partner, so why does society still push this false narrative that it’s shallow? Perhaps we focus too heavily on the extreme of the argument. No psychologist or relationship expert would applaud a partnership where the only type of attraction present between two people was physical. Studies all show that partners have to be emotionally and spiritually attracted to each other, in addition to physically, for a relationship to be successful. 

Unfortunately, this lesson has been so ingrained in our society that even the discussion of physical attraction or looks is considered superficial. In fact, Psychology Today cites a study in which subjects ranked traits like humor, intelligence, kindness, and empathy as all being more important in a partner than good looks. Research shows that women are much less likely than men to consider physical attractiveness important in a relationship, but when studied further, physical attractiveness was equally important to both men and women. 

Closing Thoughts

It’s time for us to stop subscribing to this false notion that good looks are not important in a relationship. Physical attraction is just part of a whole range of things we find attractive about someone else. And you shouldn't feel like you have to exclude good looks from the equation when considering whether to date someone. It’s also not particularly productive to feel guilty or shallow for wanting to be with a man that you find good-looking. As all the research has shown, what we consider to be “good looking” is ingrained in our DNA and our evolutionary instincts as humans. Don’t ever let someone make you feel one-dimensional for being with someone that you find attractive. It’s more important than you probably think! 

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