The Problem With Being A Feminist, From Someone Who Escaped The Lie

One viral video shows two women questioning what the purpose of the protests was, with one turning to the other and outright asking, "Why are we protesting?" Of course, the girl beside her didn't have an answer to give either. Many of the college students participating in these demonstrations have simply been brainwashed by feminist woke ideology and are blindly following whatever "cause" is shoved down their throat next, despite having no real understanding of the meaning behind it or its implications.

Some of the signs made by Columbia students for these protests include slogans like "Dykes 4 Divest," "Gays for Gaza," "Trans People 4 Palestine," and "Lesbians for Liberation," despite this having nothing to do with protecting Palestinian women or girls. It's also common knowledge that in certain Palestine territories, like Gaza, they publicly persecute and commit acts of violence against gay, lesbian, and transgender people.

The now infamous Johannah King-Slutsky demonstrated just how juvenile and unserious a graduate student at Columbia University – an institution that costs $90,000 a year – can be. She likened her and her “comrades’” situation at Columbia to those in Gaza, demanding “humanitarian aid.” These women likely see themselves as righteous and their stance as the one that will be “on the right side of history.” 

All I see is misery. And narcissism. Through their weeks of protesting, they have lost the plot. It’s difficult to grasp how their demands for vegan food and lotion with “absolutely NO SUNSCREEN” help the Palestinian women and girls whatsoever.  

These ladies seem deeply unhappy with themselves and their lives and are, in all likelihood, projecting that angst on the world. On some level, I feel for them. Like myself back in the day, they have probably been sold a bill of goods.  

Living the Feminist Life

They’ve been told that the world is divided into two categories, the oppressed and the oppressor, and that most in the oppressor category are white males (or, in this case, Israel.) Masculinity has been deemed “toxic,” and the patriarchy must crumble. And while I was in college well before critical race pedagogy gained a foothold throughout higher education, I had been living in Southern California for almost 20 years, where this progressive ideology pervaded my life. I too swallowed the feminist mentality hook, line, and sinker. 

I was convinced I didn’t need a man but, at the same time, desperately wanted one. I spent many nights alone crying to Sarah McLachlan or Marc Cohen, wondering why I couldn’t find someone to whom I could commit my life. Yet, I didn’t apprehend that the lifestyle I was living was not attractive to a commitment-focused, strong, masculine man – the kind I said I wanted. I had to be in control, so I dated feminized L.A. flakes, addicted but “sensitive” men, and narcissists. Worse, I gave my body away too easily, thinking that it would be empowering and make me more attractive to men. No one told me I was wrong. 

Not having a child with a husband I love may be my only regret. 

Eventually, I became disillusioned and needed someone to blame. I never questioned to what extent the toxic masculinity/evil patriarchy narrative was true for me. A culture that pointed the finger at men was convenient, and I had experienced enough unfortunate incidents with men to support it, so I too blamed "the patriarchy." While I was longing to be loved, the bitterness and resentment were lurking underneath. My head and heart were in constant tension. 

The truth is, I have more men in my life who have been nothing but supportive, gracious, kind, and courteous. Granted, many of these men were present before I fell into the progressive abyss and reappeared upon emerging from the toxic waters I swam in. But they are there, and I choose to remember and focus on those relationships.

What Do Women Really Want? 

Since the 1960s and the sexual revolution, it seems women have been trained to either deny or ignore their deepest longings. The longing to create and nurture a family has been drowned out by the idea that becoming a CEO or boss babe would be a worthier pursuit. We’ve been persuaded to ignore that procreation is built into our biology. We’ve also been given easy tools to do so through birth control and abortion, both of which disconnect the body from its procreative intent, which creates an inherent schism in the mind, body, and soul connection.

While such disembodiment may allow women to avoid the consequences of sex – namely, a baby – it doesn’t alleviate the challenges that accompany doing life alone, particularly financially and emotionally. It certainly doesn’t alleviate the emptiness that comes with having sex devoid of love and commitment.

By no means am I suggesting marriage and a family be forced on any woman. Not everyone is meant to be a homemaker. The first wave feminists were right to fight for the ability to enter the workforce, but like everything, there are costs associated with such a huge societal shift. Costs include delaying starting a family, infertility, lower wages, and the necessity for couples to pursue a dual-income model to sustain a family. The “you can have it all” woman – made popular in the ‘80s as women entering the workforce became more of a norm – is a lie. Life is full of sacrifices. Female CEOs give up time with their children or maybe a family altogether. Women who stay at home to raise their children may give up a high-powered career or postpone fulfillment of other pursuits and desires. 

It’s not about masquerading as a man or pretending we can, or want to, do without one. 

Trapped in the immature culture that is Los Angeles, focused on my career and myself only, I let time slip away, not realizing what I might be giving up. I don’t know that I so much ignored my biological clock as much as I was afraid to hear it ticking. Being the child of an icy, unsuccessful marriage made me scared of marital failure. I didn’t think I would have regrets later. Not having a child with a husband I love may be my only regret.

I’m also not suggesting a return to the Madmen days of old for the women who do decide to have a family. I certainly don’t want to dress in pearls and heels and a perfect shade of red lip to cook a pot roast for three hours, waiting to serve my man his Manhattan when he walks through the door after a long day at the office or banging his secretary. While I’m sure some men might appreciate that, I don’t think it’s really what they want either. 

I believe men want intimacy and genuine partnership as much as women do. I think they desire a woman who can tussle with them in intellectual debate as well as in the bedroom. I think they want someone they can confide in and be vulnerable with and not be made to feel that a confession or mistake will be used against them in an argument 10 years down the road. 

Closing Thoughts

It’s not about masquerading as a man or pretending we can, or want to, do without one. It’s about honoring our unique capacities that help develop the positive virtues in men. The ones that not only give birth, but also incentivize men to aim for a higher sense of purpose and integrity for the good of all. It’s about finding a feminism and a marriage that’s appropriate for the 21st century – ones that value the need for and contribution of men and manliness rather than shutting them down and demanding men become more feminine and women become more masculine. Because that is not equality. That is a culture in demise, and one I believe only women can save. 

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