The Right Is Losing Women—This Is Why

I was lucky enough to grow up in the church, but after I left home at 18, 90% of the people around me were atheist leftists, so it was difficult not to be influenced. The culture around me insisted that true freedom meant being free from religion, free from tradition, and free from marriage. It taught me that I’d been sold a lie and that conservatism was boring and stereotypical gender roles were archaic, and for a woman to be truly happy, she should live independently, free from the constraints of being a mother. 

I found myself rejecting the life I’d grown up believing for many years. But slowly, after seeing the pain this life was causing me and my friends, I realized that actually, the liberal lives my friends were living had caused so much more confusion about how to act and be a woman in the world, especially when it came to sex, dating, and relationships. Time and again, I saw how much hurt and chaos hookup culture was bringing to their lives. From finding themselves pregnant after casual sex to walking across town to get a Plan B, many of them were left hurt and confused after each incident. 

But the culture around us continued to tell us this was freeing and empowering. In reality, it seemed the more “free” women became, the more women felt lost. What’s even stranger is that the statistics actually show conservatives and those aligned with a faith lead happier lives. Yet still, greater numbers of women are swaying towards leftism, year after year.

So, if conservatism and faith seem to protect people from meaninglessness and despair, why are so many young women still turning away from them? Why does the modern right keep failing to reach the very women who are suffering most?

Girls Are Hurting

We know that girls and young women are hurting; that young girls are experiencing record rates of anxiety and depression. Many are riddled with eating disorders, while others are self-harming and ending up in hospitals. Gen Z is reportedly the loneliest generation there has ever been, with many growing up in broken homes without mother or father figures to guide them in life.

The mainstream response? Therapy, meds, and influencers asking their followers to “post their pills” on Instagram as if their antidepressants are glittery accessories. No wonder so many young women are lost. There’s no map. No wisdom. No real support. Just pain—and a culture that’s trying to rebrand that pain as empowerment.

Perhaps there is no answer in the modern world, and a throwback to ancient, Godly life may be the answer we all need.

Why Women Are Turning Their Backs on the Right

One of the biggest failures of the modern right is its inability to connect with women. “Facts don’t care about your feelings” might win a debate, but it won’t win hearts. We already know the facts about birthrates, pornography use, and loneliness statistics. But facts alone don’t enable women to see a better path forward.

Although the facts they spurt out may be true, it doesn’t mean anything will resonate with women today and help them see the error in the way they’re living. Girls and young women are naturally empathetic; we need to feel to be persuaded, we need to feel something to be moved.

We’re not going to be persuaded by conservatives blaming us for the birthrate crisis and hookup culture mess. Even at religious and conservative conferences, the finger is still pointed at women. We are blamed for not wanting to have children and settle down, but why would women want to when they’ve been let down by so many men already? Some are let down by their fathers; others are let down by their long-term relationships that go nowhere—engagement and marriage dangled like a carrot in front of them for years, only to be snapped away.

The women I speak to who want children feel that dream life is completely out of reach, so instead, they claim they don’t want it. They say it’s easier to lie to themselves rather than admit they want a husband and kids, because that picture-perfect life feels so unobtainable. The stats from conservatives about women without kids only scare these women more, pushing them further into the left-wing narrative, where it’s okay to be a single, childless woman, where a woman doesn’t need a husband and a family to feel whole.

And let’s not forget that women are hard-wired not to go against the curve. It’s an evolutionary instinct we have to find our tribe and stick with it. If the majority of women are liberal, it’s incredibly difficult to resist the mainstream narrative and think for oneself. I know, I’ve experienced it myself. I’ve always been vocal in my support of religion and conservative views, and as a result, I’ve been treated differently and had terrible things said about me behind my back by people who I thought were my friends.

It’s not pleasant. It’s isolating, and sometimes I’ve wished I could be more liberal so I could fit in with the crowd around me.

Where Conservative Men Fail Too

I’ve regularly heard conservative men say, “If women want traditional men, they should act like traditional women.” Once again, placing the blame on women. In almost every dating experience I’ve had, I’ve made it clear that I want to wait to have sex, but the guy has not been happy about it. Nearly every man, even the ones who claim to be “conservative” or a “gentleman”, has had an issue with this. Most of them told me they felt they “deserved” to have sex with me because enough time had passed. One of my exes even told me casual sex “devalues” a woman, yet still went on to cheat on me because we weren’t sleeping together.

I keep hearing about how women are the “gatekeepers” of sex, and it’s up to us to heal the dating market. But the truth is, men—even the ones who know better—aren’t helping us keep the gate shut. If a man believes casual sex is bad for women, then they shouldn’t be engaging in casual sex either. The responsibility isn’t solely on women, and conservatives need to act with more empathy and stop speaking as if women are the sole reason for the marriage crisis.

Imagine what it feels like to be a marriage-minded woman in the dating world who is expected to have sex within the first few dates, and if you don’t, the guy is likely to look elsewhere.

Why the Left Feels Safer for Women

So is it any wonder women look to the left? The left doesn’t seek to blame women for society’s issues. It does, unfortunately, seem to cast the blame on white men. But at least it provides a space where women can feel understood, where their pain is acknowledged. The left doesn’t provoke women on podcasts and relish in torture porn. It doesn’t shame women for their pain or profit off of it through clickbait.

The left tells women they don’t need anyone else and can be independent. With so many young women feeling isolated and as if their Disney happy ending won’t come to fruition, is it any wonder the girl boss movement took off? Maybe these women felt forced to be their own knight in shining armor.

Perhaps young women didn’t create this culture, and instead were born into it. We didn’t vote for fatherless homes and singledom. Most of us dreamed of love, but were so disappointed to grow up and find our grandparents were perhaps the last generation to truly embrace monogamous companionship.

A Different Way Forward

It’s time the right approached things differently—with empathy, feeling, and storytelling. It’s time to stop scolding and start feeling. We already know the effects pornography has on the brain; how about we start talking about how young women feel knowing their boyfriend is watching this content behind their back? The feeling of worthlessness and inadequacy this pornified culture creates, how women are simply expected to accept it because it has become so normalized.

We already know birthing rates are on the decline. How about we talk about what this means for women who would love to have a family but are struggling to find a man who will commit? How about we talk about the women convincing themselves they don’t want kids because achieving that dream has become so difficult?

Because we’re not just dealing with statistics, we’re dealing with broken hearts. Podcast upon podcast talks about how women have forgotten their worth, but perhaps they were never taught it in the first place. I know that when I was at school, it was seen as “cool” to wear thongs on display and make out with guys and go further with them. If you didn’t take part in this, you were seen as “frigid” or a nerd, cast out from the cool crew and subjected to bullying because of it. This has meant that even girls who do value modesty and intimacy were often coerced by friends to engage in this behavior too.

Be Kind First and Right Later

Have the conservatives pointing fingers at women ever stopped to think about how it feels to be a young woman today? Have they thought about what it’s like to grow up with fairytales, only to date men who grew up on porn? To see hundreds of pictures of airbrushed influencers every day and not feel beautiful in their own skin? To long for a big family and a husband, only to be told it’s their fault they’re on their own?

The right is so caught up in winning that it has forgotten about connecting. If the goal is changing minds and bringing more women into the right, then criticizing them won’t work.

Perhaps it’s time to stop lecturing and start listening. Because women are hurting, and they aren’t going to be healed by throwing statistics at them.