The Shy Girl’s Guide To Foreplay: 5 Tips To Use Next Time You’re In The Mood

What’s a girl to do? Many of us want to take our bedroom game to the next level, but it’s hard to separate the advertising agendas from the authentically helpful advice. Our shyness with ourselves and others, plus our lack of confidence, might be preventing us from exploring our own capabilities — which is precisely why we need the shy girl’s guide to foreplay. Here are five tips to use next time you’re in the mood.

Be Communicative

Talking about preferences, hang-ups, and the other ins and outs of your sex life can be daunting. We want to feel accepted and heard, not judged or embarrassed. But sex isn’t embarrassing – it’s wonderful – and we’re adults. We owe it to ourselves (and the man in front of us) to be honest about what we want, especially if the prospect of having sex fills us with dread rather than excitement. 

Being communicative about sex transcends all other topics of conversation because sex is an exchange of energies as well as an exchange of pleasure. We’re talking about what fulfills us on a primal level, what makes us uncomfortable, and potentially what another person does that we don’t find satisfying. Therein lies the problem: When we don’t speak up, the other person assumes that we don’t have any issue with the way things are. If we bring up our problems after a period of time, we could end up inadvertently hurting them. Speaking up sooner rather than later saves a lot of time and discomfort, both physically and otherwise, in the long run.

Speaking up sooner rather than later saves us a lot of time and discomfort, both physical and otherwise.

If we’re dissatisfied with the status quo, the power is in our hands to change it. Being communicative about sex means addressing what you like and don’t like, what turns you on, what you feel self-conscious about, and what you want more or less of. This lays the groundwork for expressing sexuality in a healthy, mature way. Beating about the proverbial bush wastes everyone’s time, time that could be better spent in other, more enjoyable ways. Be direct. “This is uncomfortable” or “do that more” are two (very basic) examples of what can level up the game for both of you.

Don’t Rush

The sexual response cycle has four stages: excitement, plateau, climax, and resolution. Many of us think of foreplay, or what could be described as the excitement stage, as merely the precursor to the main event. But foreplay shouldn’t be a rush or a perfunctory act. In fact, it can be as enjoyable as the big finale.

A study on orgasms found that women were more likely to climax if their sexual activity included some other activity, like kissing, fondling, or stimulation, aside from vaginal intercourse. Most women know firsthand that jumping head first into the deep end of the pool before wading in can leave you uncomfortable and chilly rather than warmed up and satisfied. Your excitement might be pushing you to get things going, as it were, but try channeling that passion into something else, like making out or taking each others’ clothes off, rather than going immediately to penetration.

Time It Right

It’s common during our follicular phase – especially at the end of the phase when ovulation occurs – for us to experience changes like breast tenderness or mood swings. Your fertile window lasts about six to seven days per cycle, and most women also experience an increase in their libido, meaning a surge in hormone production has you wanting to get it on. 

If you’re looking to amp up your foreplay game, try some bold exploration around your ovulation window. Your body may be more sensitive, but use that to your advantage, especially with touch. Make sure your man is being extra gentle and use this as an opportunity to communicate. If you’re using fertility awareness-based contraceptive methods, make sure to plan accordingly, or if you’re trying to get pregnant, let loose.

Don’t Neglect the Erogenous Zones

Our first introduction to the erogenous zones might have been Monica Gellar, but it’s safe to say most of us probably weren’t paying attention. The female body has both obvious and not-so-obvious erogenous zones, and playing up your zones that may often go ignored can take foreplay to the next level.

The sexual response cycle has four stages: excitement, plateau, climax, and resolution.

Your G-spot, cervix, and area above the labia are the most well-known erogenous zones, but our amazing bodies contain more than we think. Your neck and ears definitely qualify, as do your breasts, inner thighs, and lower back. Stimulation around the breast and nipple can trigger the release of oxytocin, the love hormone. If those erogenous zones often go unnoticed, make sure they’re getting much-needed attention during your next encounter.

Become a Fantasy

If you’re not having the sex you could be having, your mind might be wandering outside reality. Your husband might be having those same fantasies, so why aren’t you making your dreams a reality? Becoming the fantasy your man desires is not only a confidence boost for your self-esteem, but the empowerment you need to have the intimacy you crave.

Step into your inner seductress and fulfill your fantasies with your man. Whether it’s doing the deed in an exotic or non-traditional locale, leaving work at lunchtime for a quick “meeting,” taking charge for a change of pace, or role playing, as long as it’s healthy for your relationship and you both consent, make your daydreams something exciting you can have fun with. Remind each other that you’re better than a fantasy – you’re the real thing.

Closing Thoughts

Sometimes the journey can be just as fulfilling as reaching the destination itself. And sexual communication is a constant lesson in learning how we can express ourselves in passion and intense love. Foreplay isn’t something we need to get over or move past to get to sex; it can be as satisfying, intense, enjoyable, pleasurable, and exciting as the main event.