The Top 5 Regrets Of People Who Are Dying And What We Can Learn From Them

Our world is incredibly distracting. Our attention is always taken away by phone notifications, worries, work, or the news. We’re always planning for the future or regretting the past; there's always so much going on that we forget to live. All you have to do is keenly observe others, and you’ll find that most of them aren’t really here. Physically, they're present – but emotionally and mentally, they're somewhere else, and it's a problem we must address.

By not being fully present, we breeze through life without realizing that we're taking our friends, families, and beautiful moments for granted. The last thing we want for ourselves is to have regrets when we're in the process of leaving this world. We can learn a lot from the individuals who have faced this tough predicament and implement their teachings into our lives. Bronnie Ware was a nurse who recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and their sentiments transformed her life so much that she decided to share them with us. Here are the top five regrets that she saw among the individuals nearing death.

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

Ever since we were kids, we were raised to be a version of ourselves that everyone else would approve of. School often rewards children for “good behavior,” and work reinforces the idea that approval equates to success and self-worth. We start to focus so much on how others might react to our actions that we forget to be authentic. We lose ourselves in the process, to the point where we don’t even know who we truly are anymore. Until we free ourselves from the mental chains imposed by others, we will never truly live life to the fullest. 

Until we free ourselves from the mental chains imposed by others, we will never truly live life to the fullest. 

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

How many people have wasted more than half of their lives at a job they hated? I’ve met many salarymen who have worked at the same company for over 20 years. Some of them genuinely liked their jobs, but many of them just forced themselves to believe that they did. Disdain is difficult to conceal, especially when it's gnawing at you and wearing you down. Anytime we’d go out for business dinners, they’d vent about their frustrations and how they’re all looking forward to retirement. “Just 15 more years,” they’d say.

But what then? Will they finally be happy once they’re much older and not as able-bodied as they used to be? Why is it that you can only finally live your life after retirement? The people on their deathbeds wished they hadn’t put all of their time and energy into work because they realized long after that work isn’t everything. “There is nothing wrong with loving your work and wanting to apply yourself to it,” said Ware. “But there is so much more to life. Balance is what is important, maintaining balance.”

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

A lot of us censor ourselves to avoid hurting others. If you were often hurt as a child, you might’ve grown up sacrificing your own wants and needs to help others feel more comfortable. But in the process of continuously doing this act, we sacrifice our own lives for others. We forget to live for ourselves and meet our own needs. We’re too busy filling up other people’s cups when we haven’t even filled up our own. Those who were near death wished they had the courage to stand up for themselves, to voice their wants and needs instead of silencing themselves out of fear of rejection.

When there is limited time left, there is little to lose by being totally honest.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Social media has made us more anti-social. We see what our friends are up to in their stories, and a lot of us probably don’t feel the need to reach out anymore to see how they’re doing because of it. But human connection and bonding (in person) are absolutely crucial to our mental health. We are, by nature, social creatures. We’re meant to connect with one another via eye contact, hugs, deep conversations, and laughter. We don’t realize how important our friends are to us until we’re about to lose them. Spending quality time with your friends isn’t for them – it’s for you. “It’s not just about staying in touch with your friends,” wrote Ware. “It is about giving yourself the gift of their company too.”

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

We forget to show gratitude for the little things in our lives when our attention is placed on outward concerns and negativity. We don’t realize how good we really have it until years later. Showing thankfulness for the little things in life trains your mind to see the good in everything, helping you be more content and joyful. “Gratitude for every day along the way is the key to acknowledging and enjoying happiness now,” wrote Ware. “Not when the results come in or when you retire, or when this or that happens.”

Closing Thoughts 

There are many circumstances that can bring a person down. Like the waves of the ocean, life goes up and down, but we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be swept under the water to struggle or drown. We have to learn to swim with it and to ride it no matter what. To do so requires patience, awareness, and presence. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, and by acknowledging that death is unavoidable, we’re encouraged to be grateful in the present moment.

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