There's No Such Thing As Mixed Signals (You're Just Reading Them Wrong)

So the guy you're dating is sending mixed messages. At least, you think he is. One minute he's into you, the next minute he's not. When things are good, they're really good, but when things are bad, drama ensues.

Is he into you, is he playing games, or are you reading the signals wrong? It's frustrating and can leave you confused, so here's how to decode what's really going on.

The Truth about Men and Sending Signals

Firstly, men are black and white when it comes to choosing "the one." If he loves you and wants to settle down and commit to you, he'll let it be known. There won't be any games, and you won't feel confused about the situation. You'll know exactly where you stand in the relationship because he makes you feel safe.

When he's not that into you, there's just something missing and there are all kinds of games at play. Sure, he might like you and be attracted to you, but something doesn't feel right. You're not quite on the same page, but you glaze over it because you're hoping that things will change, so you wait it out. 

If he loves you and wants to settle down and commit to you, he'll let it be known. 

When this goes on for long enough, many women become tired of trying to figure it out and "settle" instead of having the courage to see it for what it is. The guy is not 100% sure about the relationship, so he hasn't fully committed, and she accepts the behavior. She ends up in a dead-end relationship, which can last for years.

We've also seen the guy who dates a woman for years without ever committing. When they finally break up, he starts dating another woman and proposes to her within six months!

Men know exactly what they want when they see it. If he's hemming and hawing about being in a relationship, or about marriage, the future, children, etc., take it for what it is: he's unsure or not ready.

Do you want to waste your time on a guy who is unsure and indifferent about you?

What Are Some Signs That He's Just Not That into You?

The first three months of a relationship are like a honeymoon phase. The attraction and emotions are high, you're excited to see each other, it's effortless, and the relationship is fun. 

When the relationship isn't these things, there are usually some tell-tale signs, but you might miss them because you have rose-tinted glasses. Instead, the relationship is stressful and filled with drama, but you want the relationship to work so badly that you ignore the red flags. 

Here are the top signs that men put out so you can recognize them and have the courage to walk away:

1. Mixed Signals

You know how this goes. He plays hot and cold, he's wishy-washy, or he's inconsistent with his actions. These mixed signals are actually clear signs that he's just not that into you. 

The right guy for you is always consistent, and he always shows up.

When a guy really likes you and wants you in his life, he acts the complete opposite to this. The biggest difference is the right guy for you is always consistent, and he always shows up. There are no grey areas with him.

2. His Vibe Is Off

Have you ever been on a date with a guy, and his energy was completely off? For example, he's always distracted and not very present, or he'll say something that's kind of weird or rude. He basically lacks the ability to act civilized or to treat others with courtesy. Sometimes men will do or say things to throw you off because he's trying to communicate that he doesn't really like you. He's literally trying to repel you, and you should run in the other direction. 

3. He Doesn't Make Any Effort

Some guys put in the least amount of effort to see what they can get away with. They're lazy, passive, and would rather let you do everything. Going on dates becomes trivial because he never initiates anything. If he does, it's usually something that requires zero effort, such as Netflix and chill, instead of taking you out to a nice restaurant. In fact, he never takes you anywhere nice. He doesn't want to invest the time and money because he's just not that into you.

Some guys put in the least amount of effort to see what they can get away with.

Again, when a man really likes you, he acts the opposite. He'll make an effort to call, text, meetup, and do nice things for you. Dates aren't trivial because he makes an effort to try and impress you. He cares about how you feel and what you think of him and does what it takes to keep you interested.

4. He Keeps You at Arms Length

When a man never invites you to his house, or he never introduces you to his friends or family, something is up. It can feel like you're in the dark, which can make you question where you stand with him. Is he embarrassed to be seen with you, does he have another girlfriend, or is he scared of opening up?

Whatever his reasons are, keeping you at arm's length means he's not ready to let you into his life. Do you really want to waste time with a guy who is so closed off?

5. You're Not His Priority

Have you ever dated a guy who takes hours, sometimes days, to reply to a message? Or maybe he's always late to dates, or he cancels and takes forever to schedule?

Don’t stick around to try and change his mind.

When a guy doesn't treat you and your time with respect, it’s a clear sign that you’re not a priority, or he may have other options in his life. (And no, he’s not just “too busy.”) Don’t stick around to try and change his mind. Accept it for what it is and find someone better.

6. Your Gut Says Something Is Wrong

Finally, something doesn't feel right. You may not be able to put your finger on it, but it just feels odd, and you can feel it in your gut. Don't ignore the feeling. Your gut instinct is your friend, and it's trying to tell you that something is off, so you should listen to it.

Closing Thoughts

It's not nice to realize the guy you're dating isn't that into you, but it's nothing to be ashamed of, as we've all been there. Even the most beautiful women in the world have experienced this at some point. It's part of dating, unfortunately. 

The only way to break the cycle is to recognize these signals, to have standards and stick to them, and to have the courage to gracefully remove yourself from a bad situation because, deep down, you know you deserve better.