This Is How Long It Takes For Someone To Know If They Want A Second Date

Whether you’re a dating novice or a Carrie Bradshaw-level aficionado, first dates can be intimidating, no matter whom they’re with or how they arise. Where you meet, how you dress, how you look, how you talk, and perhaps most importantly, what the other person is thinking about you, all influence the possibility of a second date.

If you’re hoping that your next first date will be your last first date, it helps to have inside knowledge on how to essentially “hack” your way to that second date determination. But how does a first date girl become a second date girl? The key really comes down to timing. You’ve got exactly 19 minutes to make an impression – here’s how to do it.

Your Window Is Short

Ask any man or woman what inspires them to ask the person opposite them for a second date, and they might point to wanting to get to know that individual better or maybe they feel a real connection. Sex could be part of that too, but that’s a whole other topic for a different time. Emotional connection is really what a lot of us are seeking in dating, and maybe it’s so hard to find because it can’t be faked. It’s raw, real, and unpredictable, and maybe you can’t describe it exactly, but you know it when you feel it.

Some of us are still trawling through the Tinder boys and the Hinge men, but others are lucky enough to have felt this connection once or maybe even twice. Maybe it’s how his hair falls over his forehead or the sparkling, witty repartee, but whatever it is, you know that you have to see this person again, and you’re hoping that they feel the same way.

Your first date might be 60 minutes or six hours, depending on the time and place, but odds are, even as you’re making up your mind about the other person, they’ve already made up their mind about you. Ages ago. One study found that most people know less than 20 minutes into a first date if they want a second date with that person.

The study surveyed 2,000 single individuals who are currently on the dating market, across Generation X, Millennials, and Gen Z. The survey found four crucial points that influenced whether or not a second date was on the table. Appearance is unsurprisingly one of them, but it was only a factor for 44% of the participants. More emphasis was placed on characteristics like conversation skills, manners, and personality. But perhaps the most important piece of information we learned from this survey, which ran in May 2023, is that the average time in which most respondents knew whether or not they wanted a second date was 19 minutes. This sounds like a long time for those of us who have been on dates where we’re immediately confronted with turn-offs, like personal pet peeves, poor manners or boring personalities, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not a lot of time at all.

Setting Yourself Up for Success

It’s important that we don’t make the first date something it’s not, nor do we corporatize it and turn it into a job interview that may or may not result in romance. After all, it’s supposed to be fun! If you have a history of bad first dates or first dates that didn’t get a second one, you’ve probably turned to all the women’s magazines, dating advice columns, social media, and even your close friends. But why not give science a try?

We know within 19 minutes whether or not we want a second date with someone, but there’s potentially even more concerning news when you factor in that first impressions, on average, take around seven seconds to form. One study even confirms that first impressions are over 75% accurate – furthermore, accurate impressions or judgments can be made about someone within 1/10 of a second. You don’t have 1/10 of a second or even seven seconds to pitch yourself to your date, so let the non-verbal cues do the talking for you.

Choosing the right environment for a first date is essential. If you know your ex works at a brewery, it’s probably best not to meet a blind date there, or even take them there in the future (sadly, what makes for entertaining TV rarely translates into equal success in real life). Choose a place you feel comfortable with, where you know the vibe and the atmosphere. If you choose a popular nightclub with an EDM DJ loud enough to leave permanent hearing damage, you may not have a solid enough conversation to determine if this is someone you want to see again. If you can barely make rent, it’s probably best to avoid the four and five star restaurants (unless he offers to pay – that’s a different story). If you’re able to choose the setting, choose carefully. Your choice has already communicated to him something about you before the two of you even meet.

It shouldn’t need to be said, but dress appropriately. There’s a marked difference between dressing in cute clothes (which don’t by design make us cute too) and dressing for your individual style and body type. Any woman can wear something trendy or expensive, but what looks good on your body and how you pair it with accessories or dress it up or down says so much more about you than a trend ever could. If you’re trying to make a distinctive first impression, do it with your face and body language, not a shirt you have to pull up or a skirt you have to pull down.

Say that you’re meeting your date, and you have to walk to him from across the room. By the time you get to him, your 7 seconds might already be up. Are you looking at your phone or locking your car for the fiftieth time? Keep your head up, and look at him. Make eye contact, and let everyone else in the room know where you’re headed or who you’re headed for. Smile before you even get to him to show you’re excited to meet and speak to him. Wave or offer your hand. Communicate with your body that you’re excited for your date before you even use words.

Making the Most of the First Date

As hackneyed as it sounds, you only get one chance to make a first impression. And great first dates aren’t magically made out of thin air – they’re created. You can only do so much if he’s not putting forth a lot of effort of course, but ideally, the two of you should be serving the ball to each other with energy and enthusiasm. 

Even in long-term relationships, the first dates are the ones we often come back to, both to reminisce and re-create. You don’t have to go bungee jumping or spelunking to have a memorable first date. All you need is an undeniable connection.

Even after your seven seconds are up, you have 18 minutes and 53 seconds to go until that crucial cutoff. Make the most of it. Be the best version of yourself (and if you’re showing up to a first date as the worst version of yourself, it’s time to reevaluate dating). Be enthusiastic and positive, and communicate as much as you can – through words, body language, actions – that there’s nowhere else you’d rather be at that moment.

Be appreciative. If he’s footing the bill or picking up the check, acknowledge it – especially when inflation is rampant and things are more expensive than ever! Be respectful. You probably don’t know this person well, but as two mature adults, treat him the way you’d want to be treated. Showcase your sense of humor or your charisma. Match his energy, mirror his gestures, and don’t be afraid to show how interested you are. Be yourself, and ideally, 19 minutes should pass by quickly and easily.

Closing Thoughts

First dates, if anything, are awkward, but there’s no reason they have to be uncomfortable or unpleasant (unless your date is Gaston from Beauty and the Beast). There’s something freeing and exciting about leaning into all the jitters and nerves and having it inspire excitement. You’ve agreed to dedicate a few hours of your life to someone who’s likely, for all intents and purposes, a total stranger, and there’s bravery in that. Whether or not it results in a second date, spend your 19 minutes in a way that makes you proud of being yourself, and let the chips fall where they may.

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