Users Of r/Polyamory Subreddit 19 Times More Likely To Post On r/Deadbedrooms

Mainstream media is constantly trying to push polyamory onto women and men. Sex-crazed Cosmopolitan has tried to promote non-monogamy for years, claiming that humans aren't hardwired for monogamous relationships and that being an "ethical slut" is much more fulfilling than being with one person.

Indeed, there are countless articles on how polyamorous people are having "lots of sex," according to The Wall Street Journal. Despite all these glowing and repetitive testimonies about non-monogamy, I can't help but notice how depressing the subreddit dedicated to the movement can be.

r/polyamory boasts over 360,000 members where users share their experiences with non-monogamy, their "coming out" stories (how do you tell your grandmom you're screwing multiple people?), and, unsurprisingly, posts about their partners cheating. Oh my gosh, who knew that non-monogamous people would cheat? I thought they were all about "boundaries" and "communication."

There are also countless posts from users saying that they're in a sexless relationship.

Subreddit Stats' overlap analyzer quantifies the likelihood of users from one subreddit visiting another, offering a glimpse into these relationships. A particularly telling overlap is between r/polyamory and r/deadbedrooms. The analyzer claims that users of r/polyamory are 19 times more likely to visit r/deadbedrooms, 14 more times for r/survivinginfidelity, and 11 times more likely to go on r/bpd. However, the website's owner notes to "not rely on the accuracy of this site's data for anything serious/important."

A self-described "very sexual" male on r/polyamory said that he wants sex every day, but his three female partners have had "little to no" sex with him.

A different user wrote how they found out about their poly partner cheating on them, "bringing people home to have sex with them and never so much as hinting to me that it was happening."

There's a post from 2023 of a mom who was married to her husband for 10 years. He caught feelings for his coworker (a 21-year-old), eventually leading to a conversation about him trying out non-monogamy while his wife stayed monogamous. Their rules were that they couldn't have alone time unless she knew about it, and he couldn't spend their joint days off with her unless the three of them were together. "I worked through my anxiety when they were out and triggers I didn’t realize I had. Overall I felt it was going well and I got to the point where I was okay with trying out allowing them to have sex," she wrote. Sounds like she had to numb her feelings to appease him.

When she looked into his Snapchat, she found out that, despite him agreeing not to communicate with his co-worker through the app, he'd "been messaging her almost constantly." Later on, she learned that "He had been lying to me the whole entire time. He had been seeing her every day he worked. Before and after work. Telling me he was going to work early and staying late. But really he was going to her place for an hour or two before work and an hour or so after. Every. Single. Day. For months. Even before we brought up the option of opening the marriage for him."

From the outside looking in, it looks like polyamory is used as an excuse to cheat. As for the ones who are in a sexless partnership, well, that makes sense to me. A lot of women just aren't built for non-monogamy. They'll have sex with men they trust and are into, and if they're willing to allow their man to have multiple partners, I guess they're just not into them. I guess polyamory isn't as sexy or beneficial as pro-poly individuals make it out to be (no surprise there).

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