Viral "29 And Single" TikTok Sparks Heated Debate About Single Life Vs. Married Life

Podcast host Josh Lekach shared a TikTok video on X, formerly known as Twitter, of a woman named Julia who was detailing her Saturday plans. She described herself as "29 and single" with no children yet, and she wanted to share what her weekend morning looks like "when you don't have a kid running around the house."

She didn't get out of her bed until 10:15 a.m. "Every time I thought I should probably get up and do something, I thought, 'Why? Nobody's making me, and I'm not missing out on anything,'" she said. Julia also said she went to a Beyoncé concert and didn't get home until 1:00 a.m., and she pointed out that she was able to do this without having to hire a babysitter. She woke up "a tad hungover" that morning and decided to learn how to make shakshuka. Julia also laid out her plans to watch the Real Housewives of New York, Normal People on Hulu, and a documentary about Blue Zones on Netflix.

"Whenever I'm hard on myself about why I'm not married and I don't have kids and I should be further along at 29 almost 30, I wouldn't want to do anything else this Saturday," she said.

After Lekach reposted the video to X, it amassed more than 8 million views. "All the 'happy' childless, almost 30-year-old females I've come across are so unimaginative with their free time. They all end up bragging about the same things, and I'm not impressed. WOW YOU GET TO STAY UP LATE AND SLEEP IN? WAIT, YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU CAN EAT AND WATCH WHATEVER YOU WANT?" he wrote.

Commentator and podcast host Matt Walsh shared the video with his own words on September 3: "Her life doesn’t revolve around her family and kids so instead it revolves around TV shows and pop stars. Worst of all she’s too stupid to realize how depressing this is."

This ignited a heated debate online about the single life compared to the life of a married mom, and many people came forward to either agree with Lekach and Walsh or to accuse them of cyberbullying.

Viral "29 and Single" TikTok Sparks Debate About Single Life vs. Married Life

The first thing that many people noticed was that she was bragging about her childless life and essentially sneering at the idea of married mothers who have to wake up early with their children, hire babysitters to look after their kids during a night out, etc. All of the things she listed out seemed pretty boring: watch reality TV, sleep in, wake up hungover, and watch more reality TV. Not only boring, but quite meaningless and lacking purpose. Furthermore, it seemed to many married couples as though Julia was bashing the life of parenthood and intentionally making it sound like it's soul-sucking and boring. Parents chimed in to give their two cents and explain why they think family life is so much better than being hungover on a Saturday morning and bingeing reality TV.

"All of this woman’s reasons to 'not have kids' were my exact reasons TO have kids."

"All of this woman’s reasons to 'not have kids' were my exact reasons TO have kids. After doing happy hours, concerts, Mexican vacations, sleeping in, etc, my wife and I both agreed there had to be more to life than mimosas and all inclusive vacations. Self-sacrifice is good for the soul; there’s no greater self sacrifice than having children. Your life becomes a quest to raise the next generation, the most selfless thing you can do," Jason Helmes wrote on X.

Many parents agreed in the comment section, adding that it's more than possible to have a purposeful life without kids, but whatever Julia was doing just isn't it. Lawyer and filmmaker Mike Cernovich, a husband and father of three, made a video on X explaining what real life is like as a parent. Cernovich lived an exciting life before his kids came into the world; he traveled a lot, saw amazing nature, hiked in exotic places, partied, etc. He points out that the "kid discourse is weird" because people will either try to make a whole brand out of motherhood or an entire brand out of bashing motherhood. It creates these two extremes: the glamorization and fetishization of "trad" motherhood, and the narrative that parenthood robs you of all excitement and joy in life because it stops you from doing what you love most. Cernovich says that family life is really neither of these things. On Labor Day, his wife was taking a nap with their younger daughter while the older daughter made clay as part of a homeschooling course. His young son was walking around the house while Cernovich listened to make sure he wasn't in any danger. Cernovich was able to do a solid workout earlier in the day. In short, your life doesn't stop when you have children. In fact, you'll find that the things that seemed really cool to you (watching reality TV, hiking, etc.) are actually not nearly as interesting or fulfilling as hanging out with your children and doing something as simple as watching your kid eat cereal.

He encouraged single people to do more interesting things with their time while they're still single because once you have kids, you obviously won't have as much time now as you did before. Rather than bingeing reality TV, Cernovich suggests you get a real estate license and jump into the hustle and grind culture so you can cultivate some success before you get married and have kids.

After Julia's video went viral on X, people came to her defense and claimed that it was unfair to paint her in this light. "The girl in the video below is a friend of mine from college, Julia. She hosts a podcast where she talks about breakups, relationships, and trying to love yourself at any stage you are in," Alex Friedman wrote. "The fact that Matt took her video out of context to build some commentary that fits a hyper-negative narrative and chooses to call her 'stupid' is not just cruel but flat out uninformed. The point of most of Julia’s content is to say 'even if you are alone, even if you are going through a breakup, even if you haven’t found 'the one' yet to start a family… there are ways to find joy through that.'"

Others went so far as to call Walsh and Lekach cyberbullies for giving their take on the situation. "Randomly shaming a single woman for having a lazy Saturday is sure fire way to announce you’re a good guy following Jesus," Amen Al Asliken wrote. Even entrepreneur Mark Cuban chimed in and chastised Walsh for having something to say about Julia's video.

"Matt Walsh is a great example why people don’t like conservatives and why the conservative movement fails to penetrate and dominate culture in America. Simply lame and distasteful," Barrington Martin wrote. Others said that conservative commentators like Walsh have a sort of kink to see women unhappy because it pumps up their "redpill audience."

Walsh responded to the criticism: "The woman that I 'bullied' posts constantly to TikTok about how she’s '29 and single' and living an easy life because she doesn’t have kids. She wants people to notice these facts about her which is why she announces them to the world daily. So I noticed. And I gave my take. That’s how the internet works. She’s not a victim. Calm down, everyone."

He added that if you are going to publicly "promote a life of meaninglessness and despair," he might respond. "If you don't want to hear my opinion then don't start the conversation," he concluded.

Julia Made a Follow-Up Video

After all the viral conversations, Julia made a follow-up video on TikTok saying that many of Walsh's followers sent her rude, even violent messages. She said she is making content for people who are "taking their time" to create a life for themselves rather than rushing things to fit society's expectations. She wants to reach women who are anxious about not being married mothers yet. Julia also pointed to the rates of divorce in our society and said that she wants to make sure she knows who she is first before jumping into marriage.

"Life's too short to be figuring out what Matt Walsh wants us to do or what some internet troll behind some keyboard is saying," she said.

Many people in the comment section were confused as to why she was made out to be some kind of victim. There's never any reason to send cruel messages to someone, but it's dishonest to act like Julia is some kind of victim in this situation—she is the one who puts out content regularly about being "29 and single," and she is the one who has made many judgmental comments on her page about married mothers who have the responsibilities of children. "Don’t seek attention for yourself if you don’t want it then lady," a user on X commented.

"29 and Single" Is a Common Millennial Scenario

While Julia's life may have been slightly taken out of context because of one TikTok video, there is no denying that many millennial women like her are struggling. They were told from a young age to prioritize their career above all else, and that they had plenty of time to settle down, so there's no rush to find a husband. According to current cultural paradigms, a woman without a husband and children is often seen as empowered, having avoided familial responsibilities and husbandly demands. This perspective has gained traction with many embracing a more liberal feminist lifestyle. Recent projections reveal that this cultural evolution could substantially alter American society's fabric in the near future. Morgan Stanley projects that by 2030, 45% of women between the ages of 25 and 44 will remain single and without children.

Morgan Stanley's 2019 article highlighted the burgeoning role of "prime working-age women" in the U.S. economy. With an increasing number of them being single and professionally driven, their representation in the workforce is likely to bolster wages. Ellen Zentner, an economist, pointed out that, previously, wage disparities were attributed mainly to education or job types, but today, motherhood stands as the principal contributor to the wage gap. As more women prioritize their careers over starting families, the U.S. will witness a 1.2% annual rise in single women from 2018 to 2030, resulting in an estimated 45% of them being childless by 2030, up from 41% in 2018.

Zentner notes, “The evolving lifestyle norms are paving the way for more women, irrespective of their maternal status, to engage in full-time jobs, which will likely elevate the labor force participation rate among single females.”

Economically, single women have proven to outspend average family households in domains like travel, dining, beauty, and shopping. From a purely economic viewpoint, the rising number of single and childless women might be perceived as a boost to consumerism and, by extension, the economy.

Single and childless women tend to grapple more with mental health issues and self-worth challenges.

However, the broader societal implications of this trend deserve scrutiny. With birth rates already dipping below the replacement level, there are concerns over the long-term societal ramifications. Studies indicate that single and childless women tend to grapple more with mental health issues and self-worth challenges. While they might be contributing more to the economy, it raises questions about the overall well-being of society. Historically, the nuclear family has been regarded as the cornerstone of a robust community. The decline in traditional family structures suggests fewer children and fewer stable marital unions in the future.

This shift in societal norms sees many young women in their most productive years dedicating themselves to professional pursuits, often at the expense of personal fulfillment and mental well-being. The crux of the matter remains: While individual choices should be respected, it's essential to consider and address the broader societal implications of these evolving norms.

Everyone wants to see Julia succeed and find love, but perhaps we can all learn a few lessons from this viral conversation. If you're single, make the most of your time and do something purposeful. And don't wait too long to prioritize marriage if you know you want kids one day, because marriage is not something that stops you from living your life and succeeding.

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