Viral Tweet Suggests Wives' Approach To Sex Should Be "Whatever, Whenever, And Whenever"—Is This Good Marriage Advice?

Some data suggests that married couples have sex more often than single people do, including people who have multiple sexual partners. A 2010 study from the Center of Sexual Health Promotion at Indiana University surveyed the habits of 5,865 people between the ages of 14 and 94. It turns out 25% of married people are having more sex than the 5% of singles between 25-69 who are having sex 2-3 times a week. However, there are also other studies that claim single people are getting busy between the sheets more often. There may never be the perfect set of data to definitively tell us who is having more sex, but we do know from decades of research that married couples tend to be healthier, happier, and live longer. Physical intimacy is a crucial part of any healthy marriage, and when a wife and mother on Twitter gave her advice on how to be prepared for sex as a woman, the internet couldn't agree on it.

Viral Tweet Suggests Wives' Approach to Sex Should Be "Whatever, Whenever, and Whenever"

Twitter user @mtnhousewife describes herself as a "Christian homemaking enthusiast" and often tweets about the natural masculine-feminine relationship between husbands and wives. She encourages wives to help their husband with their mission, love their husband as he is, and admire him. On April 2, she tweeted, "Dear married ladies, your approach to sex should be 'whatever, whenever, and wherever.' Then watch your marriage and life thrive." She followed up with, "I have a challenge for you: Be prepared for sex every night for a week and see what happens." She concluded the thread by saying, "For super sex, respond eagerly to your husband’s advances. Don’t just endure. Indifference hurts him more than anything. Give him your best and he will want to give you the world. There will be no words to describe his joy if you completely surrender."

What seemed to be well-intentioned advice started a firestorm on Twitter, and while there were many wives (and husbands) who agreed with @mtnhousewife, there were just as many women who were perturbed by the advice.

"Absolutely! My friend refuses her husband so much and wonders why his eye strays she told me I’m crazy for giving it to my husband whenever he wants it," someone commented in agreement.

"Agreed. That's what keeps it exciting. Anytime, anywhere makes your relationship fun and thrive," a woman chimed in.

But there were plenty of married women and men who advised against this mindset. "I’ve been married nearly 27 years, have a fulfilling sex life and yet I disagree with this approach completely. This is harmful and completely takes scripture out of context. I wish more would speak of true intimacy/heart connection rather than 'sexual availability'," a wife wrote.

"Dear married sisters, You are not a sex worker. You were made for more than this. If he is only good to you if you put out, that's not a marriage it's an exchange of goods and services. Real men love their wives for who they are and want a partner not a prostitute. Don't settle," another woman said.

"I agree with the spirit of this, but not the details. Whatever? No, not anything goes. There has to be boundaries and it shouldn’t be a problem if both are coming from a place of respect and desire to please and love the other. Whenever and wherever - totally impractical," another woman commented.

"What about postpartum? Or after a miscarriage? Or three miscarriages? Or when there is physical pain involved? Or sexual trauma? Not only is your 'wisdom' gross and dehumanizing, it completely ignores suffering people, and that seems fairly un-Christlike," a man commented.

Twitter user @godlywomanhood, who often tweets about homemaking and marriage from a Christian perspective, responded, "Do you agree with her? I love her and she gives great marital advice but I would never give this advice since some men enjoy sex that can be harmful (an*l sex, for instance). Some young mothers could never fulfill the whenever and wherever. Many are not married to godly men."

"God commands us not to deprive our husbands. He doesn’t command we do it whenever, whatever, and wherever. This counsel could place a heavy burden on women," she concluded.

You could safely assume that @mtnhousewife meant this sex advice within the context of a healthy, respectful marriage in which the husband understands and practices safe boundaries of physical intimacy with his wife. But because she didn't say that, many are questioning what she really means by the phrase "whatever, whenever, and wherever." Is there no limit to how much sex and what kind of sex we are supposed to have with our husbands? This corner of Twitter is all about tradition, family, and having multiple children. If a wife is giving birth to multiple children, is she expected to say yes to sex "whenever" even if she's postpartum and either still healing or not quite feeling like herself yet? You could also safely assume that @mtnhousewife would say that there are exceptions to her sex advice, such as postpartum or miscarriage experiences when the woman's body is still healing.

Physical intimacy in a marriage is more a symptom of the relationship than a cause of it. If there are healthy lines of communication, a level of trust, and a mutual feeling that both are contributing to their respective parts of the marriage, sex will often reflect that. There's nothing wrong with making yourself sexually available to your husband in order to satisfy both his and your intimate needs, but it's a different thing entirely if you feel like you have to forcefully surrender yourself to your husband sexually just to make the relationship better. In a way, @mtnhousewife's advice was fine, but only in the context of a marriage that has healthy boundaries and a husband who is fulfilling his role as the protective, strong provider who deeply cares about the wellbeing of his wife and children. If the foundation isn't secure, it's not helpful to make yourself have sex with him on the days when you just don't feel like it.