What Is A “Life Dinner” And Could It Be The Answer To Strengthening Your Relationship?

Anyone who’s ever been in a long-term relationship or been married knows that it takes work, no matter how in love we are and how well we get along. Sharing a life with someone, loving them well, and making the relationship work for both people takes intentionality rather than passivity.

So it’s safe to say that if we’re in a relationship, we should always be searching for and thinking of new ways to improve it, rhythms we can establish to help us feel closer to and more in sync with our husband. But it can also get overwhelming and tiring trying to figure out new ways to strengthen our relationship that we haven’t already tried, like technology-free evenings or regular date nights. What’s left after that?

For those who’ve already begun the work of deepening your relationship, but want to do even more, what else can you do? Well, you can start doing “Life Dinners.”

What's a “Life Dinner?”

As Twitter user Ben Meer recently mentioned, a “Life Dinner” is a monthly “relationship meeting” that is designed to strengthen a marriage or relationship. The term was coined by entrepreneur Brad Feld, who mentioned on the podcast The Tim Ferriss Show (Episode #448) that he and his wife, Amy, have regular Life Dinners. 

How Does a “Life Dinner” Work?

Brad and Amy schedule their life dinner for every first day of a new month, and depending on their schedules, they can last anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours (though it’s recommended that you set aside as much time as possible). 

A Life Dinner encourages quality time, communication, accountability, trust, intimacy, and reflection. But they don’t just jump in and begin discussing their thoughts and feelings at random. They discuss three overarching topics in depth: personal reflection on the last month, relationship reflection on the last month, and personal goals for the next month.

Why Is It Important To Have a “Life Dinner?”

To some, this kind of structured relationship meeting might sound overwhelming or over the top. So is it really necessary to have a “Life Dinner"? Or should we simply let these topics come up on their own, on our next date night?

The reason Ben Meer encourages having a “Life Dinner” is because he found that it improved his own relationship: “The pinnacle of a relationship? To grow together—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Which is why my long-term G.F. and I have followed Life Dinner for the past 24 months...It's been an absolute game-changer for us. I trust you'll find it valuable, too.”

Life Dinners provide structure to relationship check-ins, allowing for deeper understanding and connection. 

Meer’s point that a relationship only thrives when we grow together is absolutely true, evidenced by the amount of “we just grew apart” explanations for the end of a relationship we hear. It’s too easy to let weeks or months go by without sitting down and having a real, uninterrupted, intentional conversation. And eventually, we find that we hardly know our husband anymore, despite seeing him every day.

A “Life Dinner” enables a couple to make a point of not just checking in with one another, but offers structure to their check-ins. This allows for deeper intimacy, regular connection, and a greater understanding of one another.

Want To Schedule a “Life Dinner"? Here Are a Few Pointers To Help It Go Smoothly

Maybe you’ve decided to begin organizing “Life Dinners” for your relationship – the benefits are clear, and you’re ready to strengthen your relationship. But having a “Life Dinner” that actually helps will require some planning. Here are a few ways you can ensure you get the most out of it.

When sharing your personal reflections for the past month, ask yourself a few questions:

• What did I do that I was proud of this past month?

• What could I have done differently or better?

• Is there anything I feel anxious or upset about?

• Given my previous answers, how do I feel about the future?

When talking through your relationship reflections, here are a few bonding, important topics to discuss:

• What is something new that I noticed that made me love you even more? 

• Was there anything new I learned about our relationship?

• What’s something our relationship needs more of?

• How can we work together to improve our relationship?

When discussing your personal goals for the next month, here are a few questions you can focus on:

• What are my goals for this next month?

• What do I need to do in order to achieve them?

• Is there something on my plate that should be taken off?

• Are there new habits I can form in order to reach these goals?

In order to have a beneficial, connective, helpful, and honest “Life Dinner,” here are a few tips to incorporate:

• Be prepared by keeping a journal throughout the month detailing what you’d like to discuss.

• Be ready to listen actively and let your spouse fully express their thoughts without interrupting or defending yourself.

• Be present, asking questions that delve deeper into what your spouse is trying to convey (let him know you’re hearing him by saying something along the lines of, “What I hear you saying is…”).

• Approach the “Life Dinner” with the intent of becoming more connected rather than unloading complaints.

Closing Thoughts

It’s always worth it to set aside more time, attention, and energy for the betterment of our relationship, so why not try out a “Life Dinner” and see where it takes your relationship?

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