What Is The ‘Marilyn Monroe Effect’ And Can It Help You Land A Date?

Founder of Nashville Proposal Co., a luxury marriage proposal planning company, and TikTok starlet Destinee Quinn recently shared a dating tip that could help you find a man in-person, the old-fashioned way, which she called the Marilyn Monroe Effect.

Channel Your Inner Marilyn To Meet a Man outside Dating Apps

“Marilyn knew how to turn on and turn off Marilyn to the point where she could be walking down the street wearing the same exact thing, looking like Marilyn, and go completely unnoticed,” Quinn explained, dispelling the myth that you have to be the most gorgeous woman in the room to be noticed by men.

Getting noticed by a man using the Marilyn Monroe Effect begins first with mindful body language and posture. Quinn shared that no matter where you are – from the grocery store to the bar to simply walking down the street – if you’re closing off your body to attention by crossing your arms or looking down at your phone, then you don’t appear as welcoming and warm. On the flip side, if you have more open body language, Quinn shared that you’re more likely to be approached by people. Pair this body language with an open, warm, and friendly attitude. 

The next tip in embracing the Marilyn Monroe Effect is to strategically position yourself. “What I mean by this is when you're in a restaurant, when you're in a bar, when you're anywhere, make your presence known,” Quinn advised. “Do a lap around the room, be able to be seen. Don't put yourself in a corner. Don't face away from the door. Don't face away from the room. You want other people to somehow be able to glance over and see you too.”

Quinn’s next Marilyn Monroe Effect tip is to be intentional with what you wear. She explained that the types of things you put on your body will attract a certain type of person. You can use this to your advantage and curate the right type of person who you’re looking to attract on one particular night.

“Depending on the event of where I'm at, who I want to attract that night, I know what to wear. This could be a good and bad thing, but also a great conversation starter. I wear things that I know a female is going to go, ‘Oh my God, where did you get that top?’ And then I use that to introduce a conversation,” she said.

This is entirely valid! Think about it, what you adorn your body with and how you take care of your personal grooming says a lot about your health, values, and personality. Remaining mindful of your external look is critically important for a lasting first impression. If you wear something that’s too revealing, a man might think you’re an easy catch and willing to take things faster than you are. If you wear something too conservative, a man might not think you’re interested in receiving any male attention in the first place.

The final piece in the Marilyn Monroe Effect puzzle is to slow yourself down. According to Quinn, this one isn’t easy if you’re a high-energy person (like herself), but you should walk, talk, and move more slowly.

“When I get excited about something, I'm like a pinball in a room. But a great example of this is if you're in the mall and you see somebody that's selling at those little kiosks, what do you do? You walk faster because you don't want them talking to you. Slow down, and you're going to be more approachable,” she recommended.

But Does It Actually Work?

Quinn is onto something. Psychologists have discussed this body language phenomenon for a few years now and refer to the effect as a nonverbal communication of confidence. Essentially, the attitude that Marilyn Monroe embodied when she turned off Norma Jeane and turned on her Marilyn charm covered up any insecurities she had. If Norma Jeane could look past childhood trauma and plights in her career, anyone could theoretically transform from an everyday girl to an extraordinary girl.

“I have heard people who don’t dare hold their heads up, make eye contact, or speak their truth since they were told that it wasn’t their place to do so. Some were severely reprimanded or punished for being authentic. Others had no role models for assertive or fearless interaction with others,” said clinical therapist Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW in PsychCentral.

To solve these timid behavioral traits, therapists like Weinstein give their clients exercises like asking the question: “How would someone who is living the kind of life I desire, stand, speak, think, feel and move through each moment?” This can be very effective because it bridges the imposter syndrome gap that many of us face.

“If you could put on the attitude and persona who is embodying the existence of your dreams, would it be easy or challenging, comfortable or uncomfortable? When I am joyfully embracing that role, I worry a whole lot less about whether the desired outcome has happened yet. I ask myself and clients about the feeling we want to have. Not knowing the difference between an actual event and a perceived event is a hallmark of human existence,” Weinstein explained.

You Need To Fake It ‘Til You Make It

The phrase “fake it ‘til you make it” might seem cliché, but there is some scientific backing behind its effectiveness. A meta-analysis of 183 studies has shown that smiling can make you feel happier. It’s a sort of placebo effect (likely based in the mind-body connection) that tricks you into having higher confidence that can be applied not only to smiling, but conditioning yourself to have more confident body language in general. If you “fake it” by conditioning yourself to hold your head up higher, pull your shoulders back, stand with a confident posture, and make eye contact, that “faking” will eventually become a natural and automatic behavior.

Body language is one thing, but personality is an entirely different beast. As an ambivert, I’m totally sympathetic to the plight of an introvert. You might feel reclusive, shy, and not want the spotlight on you. To you, that’s your natural state. To onlookers, you might come off as lacking confidence. So, what if you just acted extroverted? Just like how Norma Jeane tapped into her acting skills, research indicates that simply by acting extroverted, you might feel more positive, connected, and overall have a better sense of well-being. You can achieve this by making continued attempts to be social, more talkative, outgoing, spontaneous, and assertive. You won’t become a social butterfly overnight – nor should you try to change your personality entirely – but you can recalibrate your brain to seek social engagement when you’re out and about hoping to catch a beau.

Acting confident has been shown time after time to create a positive social image, even if you don’t think that you’re worthy of that confidence. Counseling expert Richard E. Watts, Ph.D., developed another “fake it ‘til you make it” technique you could try called Reflecting As If, or RAI. This requires four parts: Step back from your situation, reflect on your current self, choose an alternative self that you wish you could be, and then play the part of this alternative version.

One final Marilyn Monroe Effect-style technique you can add to your arsenal while dating is to change the way you verbally communicate. Try to shift away from talking about mundane topics, obligations you’ve got, things at work which get you down, or drama, and instead try to talk about aspirations or goals you have. Research shows that talking about your dreams can make others respect you or admire you. They might even perceive you as being a person of higher authority! Just be careful to not oversell, because nothing is less sexy than a catfish.

Closing Thoughts

Word of warning: You shouldn’t use things like the Marilyn Monroe Effect to lie about your status. One of the most important things when starting a relationship is being transparent and honest from the start. You might inherently have some imposter syndrome, but you shouldn’t swing the pendulum so far over that you get in the habit of lying about who you truly are. Instead, use these tips to make incremental changes in your body language and speech behavior to gradually increase your confidence when trying to meet a good man. 

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