What Makes A Woman Strong? Probably Not What You Think

Currently, female strength is primarily synonymous with a woman’s individual achievement or her ability to shake off the expectations of others, but in reality, true strength is found in women who cultivate a high level of personal integrity – those who continuously strive for self-improvement and contribute positively to the growth of those around them. And, contrary to popular belief, this kind of integrity cannot be built when someone exclusively prioritizes themself over others.

Interestingly, strong female archetypes have always been important across all cultures, but a unique shift occurred when American women were told to “liberate” themselves from the past and pursue their own power and pleasure.

The Measure of a Modern Women’s Strength

The modern portrayal of “strong women” has taken many different forms over the years, from early feminists like Gloria Steinhem bemoaning the evils of the patriarchy to the more subtle messages in shows like Sex and the City, but the overlapping themes remain the same – you cannot be a strong, satisfied woman and prioritize your family at the same time. You must choose, and strong women always choose their own achievement and self-fulfillment because that is their right. 

The lingering influence of this extreme attitude is the reason why conversations surrounding “strong women” are as distorted as ever, with a hyper-fixation on career success, power dynamics, and independence. However, this narrative continues to fall flat, as more women grow increasingly frustrated and disillusioned.

Women Want More Than Career Achievement

In a now-viral interview about her role as Princess Aurora in the movie Maleficient: Mistress of Evil, actress Elle Fanning politely complained about the oversimplification of female heroes: “We’re just going to give her a sword and have her fight, and now she’s strong? Aurora can be strong in a different way.” Fanning goes on to highlight her unique feminine vulnerability and softness as a strength. Why? Because the true measure of your strength extends beyond the ability to amass more power or win a fight. At the core of human experience and overall happiness, relationships play the most pivotal role, especially for women. And nurturing sustained and meaningful relationships for a lifetime requires a tremendous amount of strength. 

The Decline of Relational Health in America 

The fabric of American society is undergoing significant changes, evident in ever-rising divorce rates, increased challenges in dating, diminishing friendships, and an increase in narcissistic behavior. A critical examination reveals that this decline in relational health is closely linked to the overemphasis on personal independence. The pursuit of individual desires at the expense of relationships with others has left many people feeling disconnected and, ironically, weakened rather than strong. 

Male Weakness Is Not Feminine Strength

As I explained earlier, the current narrative surrounding female strength has been shaped by extreme feminist attitudes. Many of its proponents sincerely believe they are helping women, but in reality, they are simply encouraging women to adopt the same destructive behaviors that some men have adopted. The character of Don Draper from the popular television series Mad Men serves as a helpful example. 

Draper is beloved by modern audiences, which is understandable to a degree, given that he is handsome, charismatic, and often relatable. However, his choices to pursue his own independence and pleasure hurt his wife and eventually tear apart his family, revealing a moral weakness that is antithetical to true strength. Ironically, the typical feminist response to someone like Draper wouldn’t be an appeal to real strength. Instead, feminists simply push for women to engage in the same self-serving behavior. It’s not difficult to see how this approach fails to solve the problem. 

To be clear, the changing cultural landscape of the 1960s didn't cause moral weakness in men or women; it simply created more opportunities for people to choose to indulge their weaknesses. The true problem lies in the unwillingness to call weakness what it is. Instead, both men and women have now disguised it as strength. 

Strength Entails Struggle

When it comes down to the choice to serve others or serve yourself, it’s always easier to serve yourself. That is the path of least resistance, and all human beings naturally gravitate toward it. That’s why strength is such a rare and admirable quality. That’s also why it’s hard to cultivate. 

But, rather than prioritizing yourself and renaming it “strength,” the far better alternative for both men and women is to cultivate a deep appreciation for the importance of loving relationships and then work on the personal integrity needed to sustain them. To do this, you must weigh your choices and consider if you’re truly choosing what is right or if you’re simply choosing what is easy. The ability to make difficult choices over easy ones must be consistently exercised in small, routine things in order to have the strength to face greater challenges. 

The modern notion of independence is a fairy tale. Human beings are deeply relational, and no one lives independently of all others. Interdependence is our reality. Is it challenging? Yes, but it’s also what makes our lives deeply meaningful and satisfying. 

We Need Real Strength

The conventional notions of female strength that center exclusively around career achievements and independence are limiting and fail to capture the essence of true strength. It is time to broaden our understanding of strength to encompass a deep value for relationships, personal integrity, and a commitment to interdependence. 

Strength, fundamentally, is the ability to withstand pressure. It's about choosing what is right over what is easy. To be truly strong is a demanding and ongoing process, but it is indispensable for a fulfilling and admirable life. By shifting our focus from individual achievements to relational integrity, we can redefine strength for women in a way that fosters a more meaningful and interconnected society.

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