What Should Women Bring To The Table?

It’s a question the manosphere can’t seem to get out of their heads: “What do women bring to the table?” While directly being asked this by your date is typically a huge red flag, and while healthy relationships aren’t market transactions, the question is one that women should still be able to answer, if not for their dates, then for themselves. Unfortunately, modern dating has convinced many men and women alike that the guy’s investment in a relationship is a financial one, and the woman’s investment is physical. This is totally wrong in both directions. Treating relationships as though the best the sexes have to offer are their bank accounts and their bodies cheapens real relationships into Sugar Daddy setups. 

It’s worth remembering as women that we have a lot to bring to men’s lives. Sure, men can live without women just as women can live without men, but healthy relationships are desirable because they’re mutually enriching. When women are active participants in their relationships outside the bedroom, they really do have a lot to bring to the table. 

The Girlfriend Effect

It’s hard to find a cuter recent social media trend than “the girlfriend effect.” In the trend, which has been most popular on X (formerly Twitter) this year, women show off their boyfriends before and after committed relationships, showing how much more attractive they look. While some of the videos in the trend focus on concrete changes to their boyfriend’s style and aesthetic, usually showcasing major fashion glow-ups or guys who clearly were shown the magic of using just a little touch of hair product, it’s clear that the “girlfriend effect” is more than just making guys look better in selfies. In every video, the guys also look happier and way more confident.

It’s well documented that men in committed relationships are rated as more attractive by women. While some of this is a social evolutionary effect, since women subconsciously practice something called “mate choice copying,” or outsourcing the vetting of men to their peers, the girlfriend effect shows that men’s increased attractiveness is about more than just his social desirability. Sure, girlfriends tend to do wonders for your wardrobe and hygiene, half because they help replace the sweatshirts you’ve had since high school baseball with some elevated crew neck sweaters. But in healthy relationships, you should be helping him glow up on the inside too.

One of the easiest ways women can give their men the kind of confidence that screams “he’s taken” is by simple time and attention. Women who get off their phones, make quality time for their men (outside of the dates he’s planning), and who never let their guys go a day without a compliment help men exude confidence and happiness. Men are physical creatures too, and many have physical touch as a love language. Before you start undressing, however, physical affection can and should be more than just sex, especially if you’re saving it for marriage. Initiate things like cuddles, back rubs, playing with his hair, and spontaneous make-out sessions to make him feel wanted too, rather than just waiting on him to pursue every time. All in all, the girlfriend effect doesn’t need to involve wardrobe hauls and makeovers. The best things women bring to the table immediately should just be their attention and affection.

The “Second Lobe”

Not everything women bring to the table is instantaneous, though, and many of the positive effects of relationships show up over time. A lot of a woman’s benefits in a man’s life involve enhancing it bit by bit over time. Men and women in committed relationships act like two lobes to the same brain, helping one another divide and conquer daily tasks and helping one another see the world through new frames. Men and women tend to look at problems in different ways, so bringing each other your burdens and solving them as a team makes you a more powerful pair than you might have been alone. Whether it’s a difficult boss, a tricky social situation, or just deciding what to wear to a wedding with a nebulous dress code, running the issue through a woman’s eyes never hurts.

Women tend to be better multitaskers, meaning they’re often the ones who do things like plan more involved social events, help remember your friends’ birthdays ahead of time, and remind you to get a card before Mother’s Day so it’s sent on time. If you’ve ever gone on a group outing that wasn’t planned last minute, it’s likely it was planned by the woman in a man’s life. Women also spruce up men’s physical surroundings, turning a house into a home and a bachelor pad into an apartment that’s nice to come home to. Maybe this means adding some throw pillows or a spice rack, or even something simpler like a real trash can rather than the Hefty bag dangling from a doorknob.

In practice, these things tend to spring from wanting to keep a man comfortable. Maybe that means cooking for him so he eats veggies once in a while or adding in some cozy touches after you move in together. It also often means being alert to some of the people in his life. In the same way that a guy takes care of you while walking downtown at night, you can keep an eye out for him in the softer sides of his life.

Long-Term Care and Support

The main benefit women bring to men’s lives is being there for the long haul. While the hard and fast benefits of marriage for men are well documented, they bear repeating. In long-term partnerships and marriage, women help take care of men’s health, statistically improving their life expectancies. Researchers speculate that this is likely because women stay attuned to their husband’s health problems (and are more likely to convince them to see doctors), as well as helping them maintain habits like a healthy diet and exercise. Women also help their husbands’ careers, which is a large reason why married men earn more than single men. Having each other to lean on helps divide and conquer some of the shared tasks of daily life, and women often also bring their own expertise and networks to be sounding boards for their husbands.

One of the most overlooked things women bring to the table long-term, however, is more subtle: mental health support. Married men have better mental health than both married women and single men, and given the state of men’s loneliness epidemic today, it makes intuitive sense. In 1990, most men reported having at least six close friends. Now, more than one in seven men say they have “none,” and that number is steadily rising. While a committed romantic relationship doesn’t single-handedly solve men’s loneliness crisis, it’s a huge improvement for men who would otherwise have no one to share their days with.

Being supportive of a man isn’t about the big gestures; oftentimes, it’s just about listening and caring. Ask genuinely about his day, his goals, and his frustrations, and don’t make him feel emasculated for having emotions.

The Importance of Non-Transaction

While it’s important for women to have something to bring to the table, and while all of the above help foster healthy and mutually enriching relationships, it’s crucial to keep in mind that none of the above is in exchange for a guy treating you well. Treating dating like a market transaction is how we got into this whole mess, so just as you shouldn’t be expecting dates or money from men, he shouldn’t be expecting premarital sex, cooking, cleaning, or pro bono interior design work from you. If he is, that’s a transaction, not a relationship. Healthy relationships involve both parties giving enthusiastically and willingly of themselves, not being coerced into playing a role they feel they’re supposed to play.

Closing Thoughts

If you ever find yourself in a position where you’re listing out the values of a woman to defend yourself against a guy paying for a date, run. But women should realize that they should neither be entering relationships empty-handed, nor paying guys back for dates with sexual favors so they feel like they’re “bringing something to the table.” What women bring to the table is a multiplying effect that, when properly ordered, makes men’s lives better both in the short and the long term. Men can absolutely “go their own way” and live without women, but if we’re doing it right, why would they ever want to?

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