What To Do When All Your Friends Are In Relationships But You’re Still Single And Feel Lonely

We’re all well aware that as soon as our friend gets into a relationship, our friendship shifts – and that’s not to say anything against our friend, necessarily. The time she used to have to spend with us, she’s now spending with her new boyfriend; for some of the hangouts she would’ve come to all alone, she’s now asking if he can tag along; whereas we used to get a text back from her within a few minutes, it takes a bit longer to hear back.

And of course, we’re glad that our friend has found a special someone – or at least, we should be. But this becomes more and more challenging as more of our friends get into relationships. With each new, “So I met this guy…” announcement, we start to feel lonelier and lonelier in our singleness.

It’s no fun being the only one in a friend group left single. It can make us wonder if there’s something wrong with us, and constantly feel like a third wheel (or fifth…or seventh) any time our taken friends invite us out with their boyfriends. We might start to wonder: Is the only solution to not feeling like this getting into a relationship? Or is there another way to stop feeling like the odd one out?

Sound like something you’re currently going through? Here are a few words of advice.

Don’t Get a Boyfriend Just To Fit In

It’s tempting – really tempting – to find a guy to call your boyfriend just to stop feeling left out. This way, you wouldn’t have to always be the one who doesn’t have a date everywhere the group goes. And this is an understandable solution to arrive at.

Getting involved with someone for any reason besides genuinely liking them is always a bad idea.

But it’s also an entirely unhelpful one. Sure, for a night you might feel a little better, but getting involved with someone for any reason besides genuinely liking them is always a bad idea, opening you up to confusion, heartbreak, and awkwardness that will only set you back and make you feel even worse than if you just hadn’t dated anyone at all. Not to mention, it’s unfair to the guy, who might actually harbor real feelings that are bound to get hurt. Trust us – it’s always better to stay single than to get into the wrong relationship!

Learn To Embrace Being a “Third Wheel”

We all know what being the third wheel feels like. We feel like the entire world is staring at us, thinking to themselves how weird we are for being the boyfriend-less girl in a group of taken ladies. But whether or not you end up enjoying and embracing your role as the third wheel is actually up to you.

You can either focus on how awkward you feel being the only one at a gathering without a date, or you can make the most of your current role in the friend group by befriending their boyfriends and allowing yourself to feel like more than the single friend they were kind enough to have pity on – because the truth is that you’re their friend that they genuinely enjoy hanging out with. Shift your focus and keep yourself from seeing the group as “me and the couples”; rather, see it as a large group of friends. 

Don’t Expect Your Story To Be the Same As Your Friend’s

If you desire a relationship, it’s easy to look at your taken friends and think to yourself, “Why not me?” You see everything they have that you want, and can’t help but feel like your life is lacking in comparison.

Comparison is natural. But that doesn’t make it healthy. Once you expect your life to look like someone else’s, you’re heading down a path that will only cause you frustration, dissatisfaction, and bitterness. In the “Why not me?” moments, remind yourself that you’re on your own path – one that allows you to tell your own story that’s just as important as your friend’s. This can help keep you from falling into the trap of jealousy, which will inevitably affect the friendship negatively.

Make Some Single Friends

Maybe you’ve been in your friend group since middle school, making them constants in your life that you couldn’t imagine being without. Friendship isn’t contingent on having the exact same experiences and struggles – that’s how friendships survive decades.

It’s important to have a friend in a similar place in life who you can identify with.

That being said, it’s still important (even necessary) that you have a friend who’s in a similar place in life – someone who you’re able to closely identify with, with whom you can share particular worries and anxieties, who makes you feel less alone in your unique challenge, who will understand your struggles on a level that your other friends can’t. 

Consider Letting Your Taken Friends Set You Up

If you feel ready to date but just haven’t found the right guy, or maybe struggle with loosening up enough to know if you even click with someone, why not let your taken friends (whose boyfriends probably have cute single guy friends, by the way) set you up?

You could even organize a low-pressure group date: Get a group of friends together (if possible, both single and taken, so it’s not an obvious setup!), and have one of your friend’s boyfriends bring a single friend of his. Take the pressure to make a quick connection off by making it more of a group gathering than a full-on date.

Closing Thoughts

Being the only single friend comes with its own set of challenges, frustrations, and insecurities. But being a single girl with taken friends doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. It’s not always easy to do, but choosing to embrace and take advantage of your current season of life will help you out in the long run.

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