What’s The J Name Theory? And Should You Take It Seriously In Dating?

Whether it’s a disastrous first date or uncovering a secret via his tagged photos on Instagram (my friend once discovered the guy she was talking to had a secret girlfriend this way), it’s the first question my friends and I will ask after hearing a dating horror story. All of us had a bad experience with a guy with a J name (I’ll admit I have some good experiences, but the bad ones are particularly disastrous), and we’re not alone. 

Hence the J Name Theory, a theory that guys with names that start with a J are inherently more toxic than others. But is there any truth to this theory?

What’s in a Name?

According to J Name Theory, any guy with a name that starts with a J is bad news. The Urban Dictionary’s definition of “J Name Theory” says, “J name theory is that any guy who's name starts with a J is complete crap and you shouldn't date them. Ask your friends. Very few guys with a name that starts with a J is worth anyone's time.”

Another Urban Dictionary definition expands on this theory. The definition for “J guy” says, “J guys are males you want to stay away from in a relationship. They have traits like anger issues, cheating, ignoring, self-centered, and show no emotions. They can act like they care very well. J guys will use you until you aren’t useful anymore to them, then they will walk away easily. I advise you to stay away from J guys. Don’t be fooled by them.”

J Name Theory has also inspired many memes and TikToks. One popular TikTok is a clip from the ILYSM (I Love You So Much) Podcast, where host Kenzie Elizabeth and guest Dani Taylor share some of their negative experiences with guys with J names. Other TikToks are young women making jokes about how guys with J names are red flags. This trend is so popular that the hashtag #jnames has over 90.5 million views on TikTok.

Why and How the J Name Theory Could Make Sense (Sort of) 

Other than viral TikToks and memes, what else is there to back up the J Name Theory? It can be noted that some of Taylor Swift’s most notorious exes are John Mayer and Jake Gyllenhaal, but that point almost contradicts itself when you point out that her current boyfriend is Joe Alwyn. Other pop culture examples include Olivia Rodrigo allegedly writing her mega-hit "Driver’s License" about High School Musical: The Musical: The Series co-star Joshua Bassett, comedian John Mulaney’s fall from grace, and Sandra Bullock’s divorce from ex-husband Jesse James in 2010 due to infidelity (which appears to be a habit of his). 

Could it simply be that names that start with J are common among American men? According to the Social Security Administration, names that start with J are more common in baby boys than any other letter. Seven of the top 20 baby boy names of the 1980s start with a J, and there are six J names in the top 20 names of boys born in the 1990s and 2000s. In 2018, the two most common male names in America were James and John – with almost 5 million Johns. So you’re just statistically more likely to date a guy with a J name.

Another aspect to consider is, while you’re more likely to meet a guy with a J name, how many guys (whatever letter their name starts with) are mature and dating “for the right reasons”?

I asked my guy friends about this theory, and they all believe that many of the guys judged in these viral TikTok videos and memes aren’t truly bad guys. They believe that young men (particularly college-aged men) believe that to be a f***boy is to be a man, only to change when they grow up and mature in their mid or late twenties. This is the perfect example of how real masculinity isn't toxic, but the faux version of toxic masculinity (especially the type of “masculinity” preached by popular influencers like Andrew Tate) is.

After this initial research, I took time to look back on my own personal experience. Most of my negative dating experiences with guys (including guys with J names) were in my late teens and early twenties. And though dating is still difficult, I’ve noticed that a lot of guys mature as they age. So, really, I think J Name Theory has little to do with men who have J names, but can be attributed to how young men engage in immature, destructive versions of masculinity because they don’t know any better yet.

Closing Thoughts

The truth behind J Name Theory is that names like John, James, and Jacob are incredibly common. Aside from focusing on ways to introduce boys and men to healthy forms of masculinity, the only way to avoid guys like this is to look out for red flags. 

Many of these red flags revolve around lying and emotional manipulation, like a history of cheating, gaslighting, lying about small things (if he lies about small things, what does he do with things that matter?), to a fixation on sex early in the relationship. Keep an eye out for these types of behaviors instead of immediately dismissing a guy due to the first letter of his first name, and you’ll be golden.

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