What’s The Probability Of Meeting The Man Of Your Dreams? This Calculator Will Literally Tell You The Answer

We should have standards when it comes to dating. But over time, those standards might have become so inordinate that they’re preventing us from finding what could be a compatible match. If there’s something deeply wrong with every single man we’re going out with, let’s take stock of our preferences. Maybe we won’t settle for an income under $100k (which, in this economy, is almost understandable), and we definitely wouldn’t date a man under 6 feet. He also needs the body, the looks, and the charm of a fairytale prince. If only our latest Tinder match had all of these traits, we’d be sold.

But what’s the true probability of meeting the man of your dreams, and is it possible to learn something about dating from a strictly statistical perspective? This calculator will tell you the answer.

What Is the Female Delusion Calculator?

It might be unromantic to say, but dating, in many ways, is a numbers game. At least, that’s the primary theory behind an online probability generator (started by a man) called the Female Delusion Calculator.

This website has been lambasted on media sites before for supposedly being misogynistic. But the site, which has several fields you can plug in to determine the probability of meeting the man of your dreams, relies on cold hard evidence from the United States Census Bureau, the National Center for Health Statistics, and the Annual Social and Economic Supplement.

Once you factor in compatibility on important values, your odds are even lower.

The unnamed founder of the website writes, “During my ‘dating career’ as a man living in North America I couldn't help noticing that women often have unrealistic expectations. They see themselves being passed around by those high quality men they feel entitled for, failing to realize those few men are in high demand. Time passes, options shrink, their standards don't change and they wonder why they are still single. The stats can prove they're not enough high quality men for every girl out there. The Female Delusion Calculator is a tool that can help women discern what is realistic from what is highly unlikely.” Sounds simple enough, and in practice, it really is.

Let’s say I’m a 30-year-old woman, and I won’t settle for anything less than a man who hits every single point on my list of requirements. I want a white male, who makes over $100k per year, is not married, is over 6 feet, and is between the ages of 28 to 45. According to the calculator, my odds of finding this man are 0.35%. Yikes.

Let’s say I’m not that picky. I’ll date a man of any race, provided he’s not married, who is slightly below or around the average height of men in the U.S. (five foot nine) and makes a minimum of $60k. I’ll date a man who’s four years younger than me or even 15 years older than me, and it doesn’t matter if he’s overweight. My odds are now 8.3%. But in either scenario, my odds are much, much lower if I realistically factor in compatibility on important values like family, religion, and politics. 

Can You ‘Hack’ Finding The One?

The point here isn’t meant to be discouraging, though it can feel like it. And it is possible to play the numbers game and actually win, but not without some effort (and change) on our part.

Amy Webb was a young professional living in the northeastern U.S., wondering why her latest serious relationship had ended. She was 30 years old and wanted a family. She also wanted someone who shared her religious values, was in a similar age range, and didn’t play sports. After doing the math, she estimated there were only about 35 potential men for her to date in her city.

Rather than rely on serendipity, Amy decided to use algorithms and data to find Mr. Right. She signed up for online dating and soon found that there were swarms of possible candidates to date. But there was a problem. Amy used her resume to fill in the gaps on her profile and after a string of bad dates, thought the algorithms behind these sites were the ones setting her up to fail. But after setting up several accounts besides her own to see which accounts were the ones getting attention, she came to the conclusion that “while the algorithms work just fine, you and I don’t.”

While there were plenty of men out there, there were also plenty of women who knew how to play the game better.

After narrowing down a definitive list of what she wanted in a man, Amy had to confront a variable she hadn't before: the competition. While there were plenty of men out there, there were also plenty of women who knew how to play the game better than she did. While Amy was an impressive person in real life, she wasn’t as competitive as other women’s profiles when it came to online dating. Amy realized that she had to up her game and present herself in the best and most competitive light both in personality and physicality…and it paid off. Amy found her Prince Charming online, they got engaged on a romantic trip, got married, and now have a daughter.

Is It Female Delusion, or Do We Have Standards?

Many women would quibble with the word “delusion.” Having high standards when it comes to dating isn’t necessarily delusional. But just like Amy, there’s a variable we’ve failed to consider: the competition.

There’s no denying that these men – the tall, fit, well-off ones anyway – exist out there. But for each of those men who are looking for their spouse, there are countless other women who prioritize being the cream of the crop, whether that means they put time and effort into their appearance, their accomplishments, or other aspects about themselves which make them desirable.

It’s tempting to look at failed relationship after failed relationship or date after date and ignore that we might be the common denominator. But do we want to live in denial, or do we want a happy relationship? Having high standards isn’t a crime, but it’s misleading of us to have those standards without a modicum of self-awareness. Remember, dating is a numbers game, and while there are plenty of fish in the sea, there are also just as many hooks.

Closing Thoughts

If the female delusion calculator can objectively show us our odds of finding our dream match, Amy Webb can show us what it looks like to have high standards in addition to self-awareness. Without that self-awareness, Amy might never have been successful in finding her man. 

We can learn something valuable from each of these experiments. Maybe it’s possible to approach love and dating from a purely empirical attitude. But we can’t forget that for each percentage or each data point, there’s a real person behind it who is looking for their match in terms of fitness, charm, personality, and behavior just as much as we are.

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