Who Falls In Love Faster, Men Or Women?

Ah, love. To cultivate a lasting romance is one of the greatest joys in life. To be fully known and fully loved is what we all long for. To have someone choose us is the stuff of fairytales. We all love love so much that the books, songs, and movies we consume often center around two lovers. The stories we ask our grandparents to tell again and again are of when they were first falling in love all those years ago. The celebrity gossip that gets the most attention is all about who’s dating who.

Falling in love is something both men and women can attest the power of, and yet, as is the case with many things, both camps experience it differently. It’s true that no two love stories are the same, but often enough, there are still overlapping experiences when it comes to how the early days of a relationship will play out – a dance that is to be expected. Women will often approach a new romance with a future-oriented mindset; men will be more likely to be the ones to do the majority of the chasing and pursuing. And so on and so forth.

We become so familiar with the dance steps of a budding romance that we think we know all there is to know about men and women and how they fall in love. We know that women want a man who will commit, and we know that men want a woman who will laugh at his jokes. But we’ve neglected to ask an important question: Between men and women, who typically falls in love faster? 

People Assume Women Do

We’re willing to bet that your immediate answer went something like: Well, women do, obviously. We get it – it’s a fair assumption to make. After all, it’s no secret that many women are highly relationship-minded. Which is why 82% of romance novel readers are women (and only 18% are men), and shows like Bridgerton and The Bachelor remain at the center of female culture, and who Taylor Swift is dating is of endless interest. Romance and relationships and love are very much on our minds.

On top of all that, it’s not exactly a secret that many women today are tired of the commitment phobia and hookup culture craze that overtook the dating scene over the past two decades. How many times have we heard the tale of another girl who wishes the guy she’s falling for would just commit, while he just wants to “see where things go”? Or the story of the girl who waited years for a ring, only to get a breakup text instead? Or the one about the girl who, after enough letdowns, laments that there are no good men anymore?

So, yes, the answer to the question of who falls in love faster that makes sense right off the bat would be women. Women seem to love love. But what if we told you that assumption wasn’t actually true? What if we told you that men, despite being more often seen as avoidant of commitment and less emotional, were the bigger romantics in this case?

But in Reality, Men Fall in Love Faster

We know what you’re thinking: Men? Falling in love faster than women? There’s absolutely no way. It’s understandable to be dubious. Men aren’t exactly known for being the ones to rush into the “What are we?” talk on the second date. They aren’t known to care quite as much about who Travis Kelce is dating, but instead what his stats are. Rather than picking up a romance novel, men will more likely pick up a nonfiction book about history, a biography, or a science fiction novel. All of these ingredients don’t exactly make for men being more likely to fall in love faster, so what gives? How is it possible that men, despite seemingly being less interested in relationships than the majority of women, would be prone to fall more quickly than their commitment-minded counterparts?

A 2010 study collected responses from 172 college students and found that, despite the fact that most people believe women will fall in love first, it was actually the men who reported being in love and who expressed it earlier. Furthermore, according to studies released by the American Psychological Association, men think about confessing their love around 97 days into a relationship, while women don’t consider uttering those three little words until, on average, day 139. So women might be more interested in love, generally speaking, but men take the cake when it comes to being big old romantics.

Men Are Even More Likely To Fall in Love at First Sight

The rate at which men and women fall in love wasn’t the only different thing about their experience, though. While the concept of whether or not it’s possible to fall in love at first sight is heavily debated, it turns out that this is yet another area in which men seem to be more zealous than the average woman. Who would have thought?

In an online survey of more than 10,000 participants from around the globe, 48% of the men involved claimed to have fallen in love at first sight, while only 28% of women claimed to have had the same experience. Similarly, a 2014 study found that 59% of men said they believed in love at first sight, compared to just 49% of women. Add that to the adorable stories of how Michael Caine and Jeff Bridges met their wives, both of whom say they were hopelessly in love from the moment they laid eyes on the woman they would one day marry.

Why Do Men Fall Faster?

Why is it that men are more likely to fall first? Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, explains one reason: “Men are so visual … they see a woman who appeals to them physically, and it will trigger the romantic love system faster. … Women are custodians of the egg, so they are more careful romantically.”

It makes sense, from a biological standpoint, that remaining cautious and careful about whom they give their heart to would be of greater benefit to women. Without this approach, she’d run the risk of being left to raise children and provide for herself, taking on two roles rather than just one. And on the other hand, men’s tendency to fall in love more quickly works well with women’s tendency to take a little bit more time to ensure that when true love connections are made, they have a better chance of lasting. 

At least, that’s what psychologist Marissa Harrison says. “I think women unconsciously postpone love compared to men. Women have a lot more to lose reproductively by committing to the wrong man. They are born with a finite number of eggs, yet men produce millions of sperm on a daily basis. … If women commit to and get pregnant by an unworthy mate [with] no help rearing a child, that would be very costly, time- and resource-wise.” Don’t you love it when men's and women’s natural tendencies work together?

Are They Actually in Love, or Are They in Lust?

We know what you’re thinking, skeptics. Are any of these men truly in love, or are they just feeling the initial rush of attraction? After all, we’ve all known a girl (or maybe even been the girl) who got dumped shortly after a guy claimed to “really, really” like her. Plus, doesn’t it take time to really fall in love? There’s no way what these men are feeling is genuine love, right?

Every love story is different, so there’s no black and white answer. But there’s a chance that some men who profess their love quickly might not have thought it through. Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist, shares: “Generally, men … may not question their emotions as much as women do … women are often more likely to analyze their feelings and hesitate before saying ‘I love you.’ Thus, a man might not actually be in love, but will say it when the feelings are strong and believes that he is. … They might sometimes fall harder faster, but there is no telling how long that feeling will last.”

That’s not to say that men can’t truly fall in love quickly, but just that they’re more prone to confess feelings they haven’t inwardly examined yet – and that it might take time to know whether these feelings will persist.

So there you have it. It’s not romance-loving, relationship-focused women who fall in love faster. Rather, it’s men who show a greater inclination to fall for someone, profess their love, and believe that it was love at first sight – what softies!

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