Why Don’t Men Have To Wear Engagement Rings But Women Do?

You just got engaged, and you’re having a hard time not gazing at your beautiful ring all day long. Its lovely glimmer catches your eye, elicits all kinds of excitement, praise, and questions from your friends, and reminds you that in just a few months, you’ll be a wife to the man you love most.

And with the pleasure wearing your ring gives you, you’ve started to wonder why you’re the only one donning an engagement ring. Why doesn’t your fiancé wear one, too? How come it’s only ever the ladies who wear a ring that lets the entire world know she’s betrothed, but the guys have nothing to show he’s taken until the marriage is official?

A Brief History of Marriage

To begin with, it’s important to discuss how our modern understanding of marriage has shifted quite a bit. In times past, love had nothing to do with marriage – if a couple eventually grew in love for one another, that was considered a bonus. But when two people married one another, love usually didn’t even enter the equation.

The real impetus to marry was for financial security, to forge political alliances, to maintain or boost social standing, and to produce offspring to carry on the family position. Marriage was very much a contract, a way of forming a beneficial alliance. While in some cultures love still has little to do with marriage, in the United States, 9 in 10 participants in one survey said that love was enough of a reason to get married.

So what does the history of marriage have to do with our traditions around engagement rings?

The History Behind Wearing Rings

According to the Gemological Institute of America, Egyptian pharaohs first used rings, due to their shape, to represent eternity. After Alexander the Great conquered the Egyptians, the Greeks of the time carried on the tradition of wearing rings. Then, the Romans conquered Greece, and again, carried this tradition on.

The diamond engagement ring didn’t come on the scene until the 15th century.

Eventually, the diamond engagement ring came on the scene after Archduke Maximillian of Austria presented one to Mary of Burgundy in 1477. They gained some popularity during the Victorian era, due to Queen Victoria’s love of diamonds – though it would be a long time before diamond engagement rings became quite as popular as they are today.

But wait – this still doesn’t answer why men don’t wear engagement rings.

Eventually, Engagement Rings Were Meant To Deter a “Breach of Promise”

Today, we see our engagement ring as a token of our future husband’s love, a demonstration of how beautiful our marital union will one day be, and a sparkling reminder that we have been chosen by a man who adores us. But that’s not how the tradition of a man presenting a woman with an engagement ring began.

Marriage being treated as somewhat of a business arrangement was par for the course back in the day – and so was for women to remain virgins until marriage. And yet, often enough, couples didn’t wait for their wedding day to become intimate. If a man broke off the engagement after that, though, the woman was the one who suffered the social consequences of no longer being a virgin and being unmarried to boot. And so, the Breach of Promise to Marry lawsuit came about in the 18th century, which allowed women to sue men for not following through on their marriage proposal.

An expensive engagement ring could be considered collateral in the case of a broken engagement.

Fast forward to the 1940s, and these laws began to be phased out. Around the same time, though, diamond engagement ring sales began to surge. Why? Well, because if women had no legal recourse for a man breaking off the engagement, an expensive, sparkling diamond engagement ring could be considered collateral – essentially, it was a woman’s temporary insurance. Not to mention, in the late 1940s, the successful “A Diamond is Forever” DeBeers slogan was born. DeBeers, a corporation that mines, sells, and manufactures diamonds, originally promoted diamond engagement rings to drive up the price of diamonds when enormous diamond mines were discovered in South Africa in the late 1800s. But over the following decades, diamonds became the ultimate mark of romance, commitment, and a couple’s indestructible bond.

The reason wearing an engagement ring has remained typical for women and rare for men is simply because these traditions never changed. Women are most often the ones asked for their hand in marriage (surveys show that just 5% of women in heterosexual relationships are the ones to propose), and it’s simply expected that she’ll be presented with a beautiful ring. Because it’s the men doing the asking, and the women being “taken,” so to speak, there’s no attention put on what physical token the man is being given.

Times Have Changed – Should Men Wear Engagement Rings Now?

Now that we’ve covered a lot of details, history, and traditions, it’s time to ask an important question. Considering that times have changed, and in the United States, it’s now common to marry for love alone, should we expect other things to change too? Specifically, should men start wearing engagement rings as well?

There’s no right or wrong answer to this question; every couple will come to a different conclusion. Ultimately though, it’s a matter of personal preference, and while it’s still not common for men to don engagement rings, it’s becoming a bit more common. 

Even singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran jumped on this new trend, surprising fans with a simple, silver engagement band on his wedding finger. “I never saw why men didn’t wear engagement rings. It’s the same commitment either way," he said. "Cherry made it for me herself out of clay. I really like it.”

Closing Thoughts

While it’s not yet common for men to sport engagement rings the way we ladies do, that’s not to say we won't see it more in the future. As we’ve said, times have changed – we get married for more than financial security now. So if he wants one, why not give your guy a simple band to wear for the months leading up to the big day to show he’s already taken?

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