Why Sex As A “Spiritual Experience” Isn’t Such A Crazy Idea

No, this wasn’t some role playing. It was a Sunday evening, and we were going to try to turn our lovemaking session into a spiritual experience – literally. I removed the cross from my neck, lit several candles, turned off the lights, and burned some incense. My husband puts up with a lot of my sexual antics, but this next part was hard to do without cringing a bit inside – I played some music that you wouldn’t exactly call “sexy.” Beautiful choral music, courtesy of Eric Whitacre, to be exact. I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer of gratitude, doing my best to lean fully into the experience. Then, to my surprise, my husband wrapped his arms around me from behind and didn’t say a word. “Breathe with me,” I said quietly, and we took several deep breaths in unison. The strange feelings dissipated as my brain opened a door to an old memory: me as a child staring at the votive candles in the quiet dark of a cathedral in Paris.

Disclaimer: This article is intended for readers 18 and older. It contains explicit adult content and is intended for educational purposes for married women only. Reader discretion is advised.

An hour later, I found myself on the edge of climax. Instead of the usual raw passion I adore, this was more emotionally supercharged. I felt almost…high. The flickering candlelight, the strong smell of the incense, my husband's hands gripping the small of my arched back as he thrust slowly and deeply. It felt ritualistic. But in a beautiful, non-scary way. As I collapsed backward gasping, my head touching the bed as the surging orgasm overtook me, the angelic voices crescendoed in harmony. I cried out, trembling. This was beyond physical. Something deep within my soul felt different, like I was, in that brief moment, experiencing divine love. 

Overcoming Our Negative Spiritual Associations with Sex

If you’re a woman of faith, the idea that sex can be a spiritual experience may sound sacrilegious to your ears, but I promise it’s not! Many religious leaders, including Christian theologians, agree with this. For many Christians, sex can feel conflicting, even in marriage. There’s a lingering sense that it’s “naughty” or “bad,” a relic of a flawed understanding and perhaps early conditioning. But this discomfort many feel about sex speaks more to the brokenness and distortion that has crept into our perception of it and a culture that often distorts it, rather than the nature of sex itself.

Sex is, in fact, incredibly beautiful – one of the most wonderful experiences we can have as humans. The very act of sex, the visual and physical connection between two bodies moving together in rhythm and passion, is mesmerizing. There’s a reason we can’t seem to avoid it in books, movies, music, and pop culture. But beyond the physical allure, there’s a deeper spiritual truth to sex that is often overlooked.

The Feminine Nature and Spirituality in Sex

As women, our bodies are uniquely designed to receive. This isn’t just a physical reality; it’s an emotional and spiritual one too. Our receptive nature in sexual union allows us to connect on a deeply emotional level, creating bonds that are not easily broken. This is why, for women, sex is more than just a physical act – it’s an emotional experience that can deeply affect our hearts and minds.

This receptive nature is powerful. It’s a way for us to open ourselves up, not just to our husbands, but to the divine. In the act of love, we receive not just physical pleasure, but emotional connection and spiritual growth. It’s a way to experience divine love in a tangible, intimate way, to feel God’s presence in the very fabric of our being. 

Sex is not just about the merging of bodies, but the merging of souls – a reflection of the love that holds the cosmos together.

The Science behind the Spiritual Connection

Sex is often described as a mystical experience, and there’s a lot of science to back up why it feels that way. During intercourse, our bodies and brains undergo a remarkable transformation, weaving together physical pleasure, emotional bonding, and spiritual connection.

At the heart of this experience is a cascade of chemicals that our bodies release during sex. Dopamine, often called the pleasure molecule, floods our brain, making the act feel intensely rewarding and euphoric. This rush of pleasure is paired with endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, which not only enhance pleasure but also create a deep sense of relaxation and well-being. As these sensations take hold, serotonin, known as the mood stabilizer, helps regulate our emotions, leaving us feeling content and fulfilled. Prolactin, the satisfaction hormone, then signals that deep sense of completion, often leading to a feeling of peace and relaxation in the post-coital glow.

But sex isn’t just a chemical cocktail; it’s a profound emotional experience. The limbic system, our brain’s emotional core, plays a significant role. It’s responsible for the intense emotions of love, desire, and attachment that we feel during sex. This is why intimacy can feel so emotionally charged and why it’s often linked to feelings of deep connection and love.

Beyond the neurochemistry, there’s also a profound exchange of energy – sometimes referred to as life force or “chi” in Eastern spiritual traditions – that gives sex its transcendent, almost mystical quality. While different cultures and spiritual traditions use various terms for this, what remains undeniable is the deep connection it fosters between you and your husband. This invisible bond transcends the physical and, when seen in this light, turns sex into a bridge between the earthly and the divine, deepening not only your connection to each other but also to God.

The Sacred Nature of Sexual Intimacy

Sex unites two people on every level – physically, emotionally, and spiritually – with the incredible power to potentially create new life, which symbolizes the ultimate manifestation of love between two people. This is why so many religions and spiritual practices treat sex with reverence. It’s not just an act; it’s a sacred union, a dance that mirrors the creative power of the divine. Ancient texts and traditions have long acknowledged the deep power of sexual union, viewing it as a microcosm of the divine creative act – a way to experience, even momentarily, the unity and love that God intended for us. It’s not just about the merging of bodies, but the merging of souls – a reflection of the love that holds the cosmos together.

At its core, sex represents the ultimate union of two individuals, symbolizing the dissolution of boundaries between self and other. In this moment, the separateness that defines everyday life melts away, and there is a profound sense of oneness. This mirrors the spiritual journey toward unity with the divine. The act of becoming "one flesh" in sex is a powerful reminder that we are more than just isolated beings – we are part of something much larger.

Moreover, sex can be seen as an embodiment of divine love – a love that is unconditional, self-giving, and all-encompassing. In this act, love is not just an emotion but something that is physically manifested and experienced. When you approach intimacy with this mindset, the erotic becomes not just a pursuit of pleasure, but a sacred act that brings you closer to each other and to the divine. By focusing on the spiritual aspect of your connection – through acts like prolonged eye contact, synchronized breathing, and deliberate, loving touch – you elevate the experience to something that feels almost transcendent. 

Sex is also inherently creative, not only in the sense of procreation but in the broader sense of creating life, love, and connection. By engaging in sex, we participate in this creative process, reflecting the same creative energy that gave birth to the universe itself. In this light, sex becomes a sacred encounter that echoes the act of creation, making it a way to tap into the divine force of life itself.

The pleasure experienced during sex can also lead to moments of spiritual ecstasy, where the individual feels connected to something greater than themselves. This is a brief glimpse into the divine, where time, space, and individuality lose their usual significance, and there is a profound sense of being part of a larger, more meaningful reality.

When approached with intention, sex can become a ritual that honors the sacredness of life, love, and creation.

When approached with intention, sex can become a ritual that honors the sacredness of life, love, and creation. Rituals connect the mundane to the sacred, and sex, when treated as such, transforms into a practice that is not only about physical pleasure but also about divine love and spiritual growth. 

Finally, the vulnerability inherent in sex – where individuals are physically and emotionally exposed – is a sacred aspect of the act. This vulnerability allows for true connection and intimacy, which is essential for spiritual growth. Letting go of defenses and ego in this intimate setting can lead to deeper connections with each other and with the divine.

By understanding sex in this way, we begin to see it not as something merely physical, but as an act that brings us closer to something transcendent. It’s a moment where the boundaries between the physical and the spiritual blur. In this sacred space, we are reminded that we are not just physical beings having a spiritual experience; we are spiritual beings having a physical experience.

Making Sex a Spiritual Practice

Creating a spiritual connection through sex begins with intention. It’s about approaching intimacy not just as an act of passion but as a ritual where you connect deeply with your husband and with God. For us, we decided to make Sundays our “spiritual sex” day. Most of our sex is all about passion and pleasure, a.k.a. hot and wild. But once a week, this day is now reserved for something deeper – a slow, intentional experience that transcends the physical and invites us into a spiritual union. 

Creating a Sacred Space 

The environment you create for this can significantly influence the spiritual experience of your lovemaking. To transform your bedroom into a sacred space, try using things that evoke a sense of peace, spirituality, and connection.

• Sacred Scents: Lighting incense or sage or using an essential oil diffuser with scents like sandalwood, frankincense, or myrrh can help create a spiritual atmosphere. These scents have long been associated with sacred practices and can transport you into a state of deeper reverence and focus.

• Ambient Lighting: Illuminate the room with the warm glow of candles. The soft, flickering light not only creates a calming ambiance but also evokes the feeling of being in a sacred space, like an ancient temple or a quiet sanctuary.

• Choral Music: Enhance the spiritual atmosphere with meditative music. Or, for a truly transcendent experience, try listening to ethereal choir compositions. I highly recommend Eric Whitacre or something from the fantasy genre. It may seem strange at first, but trust me – when your husband is moving deep inside you, and you reach a surging orgasm as the sound of angelic voices fills the air, you’ll understand.

Foreplay That Prepares Every Part of You

Foreplay is the secret to better, wetter, more pleasurable sex. When you add intention setting at the start of your foreplay, you’re preparing your mind, body, and soul for a deeply intense experience. 

• Intention: Start by mentally setting the intention to experience a profound spiritual connection with your husband before you make love. 

• Slow Undressing: Slowly undress each other, taking the time to appreciate and admire each other’s bodies. Remove his clothing in fluid motions, letting your hands linger on his skin, feeling the warmth of his body beneath your fingers. Let him strip you down piece by piece, turning around so he can remove your bra and panties.

• Eye Contact and Whispered Desires: Maintaining eye contact throughout foreplay is incredibly powerful. As you touch and kiss each other, look into his eyes to build a deep, soulful connection. Whisper your desires and what you love about him in his ear. Tell him how much you crave his touch, how his presence makes you feel safe and loved. These verbal expressions of love and desire can enhance the connection between you.

• Synchronized Breathing: One of the most powerful ways to deepen your connection during foreplay is through synchronized breathing. By aligning your breath with your husband's, you create a rhythm that unites both of you on a deeper level. Synchronized breathing also has a calming effect on the nervous system, helping both of you to relax and be fully present in the moment. 

• Deep French Kissing: With wintery fresh breath, start with gentle lip bites or light pecks, then move to slow, open mouthed kisses. Gently introduce your tongue by tracing his lips and delicately teasing the tip of his tongue with light, soft strokes. Now begin to playfully explore his tongue with yours, but don’t rush or go too deep. Use your hands to stroke his face and neck or tangle gently in his hair to increase the intensity of the kiss. Gradually deepen the kiss until you’re wet or your heart is pounding. 

• Sensual Massage While Straddling: Have your husband lie on his back while you straddle him gently, sitting on his thighs or lower abdomen. Use warm oil to give him a sensual massage, starting at his chest and shoulders, and slowly moving down to his arms, hands, lower abdomen, and thighs. As you move lower, incorporate a Lingham (penis) massage. Don’t finish him off, but rather mindfully build his arousal while honoring the life force within him.

• Let Him Consume You: Guide his hands to your breasts, inviting him to lick and suck your nipples, taking his time to savor every moment. Once you're fully aroused, lead him to your vagina, encouraging him to taste and explore you intimately with his mouth. Allow him to bring you to the perfect level of wetness, where your natural lubrication takes over. This isn’t just foreplay – it’s a ritual where he honors your body and your feminine energy.

Sex Positions for Fostering a Deep, Spiritual Connection

Consider making love in positions that emphasize closeness, eye contact, and a slow, deliberate pace. These positions help maintain the emotional and spiritual bond you’ve built during foreplay. 

• Lotus Position: This position is deeply intimate and symbolic of unity. Your husband sits cross-legged (or extended if more comfortable) while you sit on his lap, wrapping your legs around his waist. In this position, you’re able to maintain eye contact, synchronize your breathing, and hold each other close. The slow, deliberate movements in this position help maintain focus on the emotional and spiritual bond you’re sharing. If you climax in this position, you can bend backward until your head touches the bed, exposing your breasts and stomach to your husband’s lips. 

• Missionary with Legs Wrapped: This position allows for deep penetration while maintaining eye contact, and it keeps the bodies closely connected, emphasizing unity. Wrap your legs around your husband’s waist or upper thighs and pull him closer, locking in and gripping his back as he thrusts. 

• Side-by-Side (Spooning): Spooning, despite facing away from him, is naturally intimate and allows for a gentle, rhythmic connection. In this position, lie on your side with your back to your husband, arch your back and let him enter you from behind. Take his hands and place them on your breasts, encouraging him to squeeze them gently. This position allows for deep penetration without the intensity of face-to-face positions, making it ideal for a slower, more meditative experience.

• Rear Kneeling Embrace: While this doesn’t allow for eye contact, it’s still very intimate. Get on your knees with your legs slightly spread apart. Your husband kneels behind you, with his knees and legs on the outside of yours, and sits back on his heels. Placing your hands on the tops of his thighs for support, slowly lower yourself deeply onto his erection, until your cheeks are nestled against his balls. He can support your lower back or hips with his hands as you move up and down his shaft. If you climax in this position, you can sit back against his chest, your neck resting on his shoulder, cheek to cheek, as he wraps his arms around you, breathing in unison. 

Climax and Reflection

Achieving orgasm during spiritual sex is all about the slow buildup instead of fast passionate movements. You may find that visualizing energy moving through your body and connecting to your husband’s soul can help achieve ecstasy. I like to visualize a glowing aura burning brighter and brighter within me as I reach euphoria. I imagine that my spirit intertwines with my husband’s and strengthens from an infusion of God’s grace.

After you climax, take time to continue your connection through meditation. Lying together, hold each other close and focus on your breathing. Feel the rise and fall of each other’s chests, and let your breaths sync up. Use this time to reflect on the experience you’ve just shared, think about the complex beauty of creation, how you’re a part of it, and what you can do to be more in tune with the needs of your soul. Maybe say a prayer in whatever way feels right for you. You can express gratitude for your spouse, for the love you share, and for the pleasurable, healing gift of sex. 

Closing Thoughts

When approached with love, surrender, and spiritual intention, sex can be a source of deep emotional and spiritual renewal. It’s a way to mend old wounds, to build trust, and to strengthen the bond between you, your husband, and God. In this sacred space, you’ll find that sex is more than just an act of pleasure – it’s a pathway to deeper intimacy, a way to experience the divine love that is at the heart of all creation.