Why The "Talking Stage" Is BS

However, the talking stage seems to have many unspoken and secret clauses and rules that can get you in trouble with men if you are seeking a committed relationship.

According to Glamour Magazine, the talking stage is the newest form of “dating torture,” where the talking stage involves everything but talking: “The talking stage isn’t just talking. During the talking stage, you might go to dinner with the person you’re talking to. You might go home with them, have full sex, sleep over, develop an emotional connection with their dog, and depart with a gentle forehead kiss. And you might still have no idea what they’re looking for or if they even like you. It wouldn’t be appropriate to ask, of course – don’t be crazy! You’re just talking.”

A young Gen Zer further sums up the talking stage by describing it as a trap where women find themselves lured into a situationship. “The talking stage is kind of like the test run of a situationship,” says Nandini, a 20-year-old college student. “It’s this period of developing the feelings before you’re even actually dating.”

“It’s basically doing everything that is required of a relationship without the relationship title,” adds Tatyana, a 22 year old. “Excuse my language, but the best way to describe the talking stage is a sh*tuationship.”

Why has this odious anomaly called “the talking stage” become a staple in Gen Z dating? Why has it become socially acceptable for women to “talk” to men in perpetuity where it involves sex, mixed emotions, and the inability to even have a serious discussion about it? Especially with seemingly no end result leading toward a serious relationship?

Sex Shouldn’t Be Part of the Talking Stage

You shouldn’t be having sex with any man during the talking stage. What you should be doing instead during this period is actually talking – digging much deeper and assessing his true intentions for you and whether a committed relationship is even a remote possibility. 

Many women seem to believe it’s not so easy to figure out a man’s true intentions. After all, the unspoken rule in the talking stage is that you’re “the unhinged, crazy chick” if you have the nerve to even want to discuss it. And a man showing up and faking a relationship in a variety of ways to get sex is the norm for many Gen Z women. 

Gen Z women seem to “trust” this process (when they shouldn’t), and they believe that having sex with a man should naturally develop into a long-term relationship. They don’t allow themselves to question his motives nor initiate any earnest conversation surrounding the context of the relationship. They just seem to go along with it, to their own detriment. 

The talking stage is a smoke screen and a bait and switch game where men reap all the benefits of sex while you get no commitment in exchange.

The wisest and most reasonable step you can take as a woman is to not have sex with a man who remains uncommitted to you. The talking stage is a smoke screen and a bait and switch game where men reap all the benefits of sex while you get no commitment in exchange.

Women are the gatekeepers of sex. You hold all the power until you sleep with a man. And once you decide to sleep with him outside marriage, you’ve set the tone that commitment isn’t a requirement. And men secretly judge you poorly and deem you “the fun time girl only,” even if you both seemed to deeply connect and hit it off during the talking stage.

Could You Be Giving Men a Bad Impression by Having Sex during the Talking Stage?

You could be giving a man a very bad impression of you by having sex with him sans commitment. 

Hooking up is a far-reaching trend and having uncommitted sex with men is a pattern for many women. Men have adapted to the expectation of getting no hassle, effortless sex from any woman they meet on the dating scene.

Your friends may even think you’re “weird” if you aren’t so apathetic and more lenient toward having sex outside marriage. If you have boundaries surrounding sex and choose to abstain, you’re likely to face much peer pressure and shaming from your well-meaning cohorts.

Peer pressure and shaming aside, it’s important to understand how men think concerning uncommitted sex. Like it or not, men judge you harshly and often draw negative conclusions about your morals and character as a woman when you engage in uncommitted sex.

He may act sweet and caring up until the point you agree to have sex. He may seem sincere in his efforts in being attentive and lavish you with compliments and affection. All while writing you off completely in the back of his mind as a woman he’d ever consider being serious with because you chose to have sex with him with little to no effort or commitment on his part. 

Moral character in a woman greatly matters to men, whether they are willing to admit that to you or not. They will covertly judge you negatively and have sex with you regardless. So it’s important for you to understand that sex is no real indicator of his feelings for you.

Understand That Talk Is Cheap with Men – Pay Attention To How He Treats You

Talk is cheap with men. They will say whatever they feel is necessary to get you into bed. He may pay for dates, hold your hand at the movies, share intimate secrets with you concerning his personal life, and even tell you he’d like to marry you “someday.”

However, all of this means nothing if, outside those moments, he’s nowhere to be found. You will only be able to measure and understand his true intentions for you if he stays present and engaged with you during all your not-so-glamorous and awe-inspiring moments too. 

Men are thoughtful and put in a lot of effort through both good and bad times when they are serious with you. 

Is he willing to come over on a dime and change your flat tire? Is he willing to spend hours with you in the hospital after surgery? Is he there for you when your mother is sick with cancer and makes sure your refrigerator is restocked so you don’t have to worry about feeding yourself during this troubling time?

What about during arguments? Is he willing to talk it over and have the really tough conversations with you and be determined to resolve the conflict? Is he willing to be with you under stress, unpredictability, and instability, or does he flee and take long sabbaticals where he will only return when he can sense you’ve resolved this all on your own?

Men are thoughtful and put in a lot of effort through both good and bad times when they are serious with you. The talking stage merely proves he can be there for you solely during the good times. The bad times? You’re on your own.

Closing Thoughts

Rather than going to bed with a man during the talking stage, it’s important to exercise patience and discernment and assess his willingness to remain by your side, irrespective of whether you have sex with him or not. 

For a couple that is committed for the long haul, sex isn’t the entire focal point of a relationship. A talking stage replete with fun times, affectionate kisses, sweet nothings, and the intoxicating scent of your pheromones mixing together is not a relationship. Neither is sex.

Learn to expect more from a man. The talking stage is designed for women to expect little to nothing from men in exchange for sex. Even less so, anything lasting or meaningful from men in the grand scheme. 

It’s best to stay out of the talking stage, and don’t allow yourself to fall for having sex with uncommitted men.

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