Yes, The Bad Boy Is Attractive, But You Shouldn't Marry Him

I think he’s nodding like — yes — he wants you to jump on the back of his bike and ride off into the sunset. Do you wanna? I bet you do. I mean, look at him. But, before you go, a word of advice: don’t marry him, okay? Just, don’t marry the bad boy.

Admit It: Bad Boys Are Kind of Attractive

Bad boys are attractive. Sorry, but they are. They ooze masculinity, adventure, and sex. You wouldn’t be the first person to get taken in by one. You wouldn’t be the first person — nor would you be the last — to assume that this bad boy is different. That, yes, he’s a jerk to everyone (including you), and yes, he never calls when he says he will, and yes, he’s got a temper (oh boy does he have a temper), but that’s okay. He’ll change. But you’d be wrong (so very wrong) and marrying him would only end in tears.

We Like Bad Boys for a Reason

Bad boys are attractive because the raw masculine energy that we, as women, are drawn to, is so near the surface with them. The things we naturally gravitate towards in men — their power, their ambition, their sex-drive, their passion — are right there. We make the mistake of thinking he’s going to love us and nurture us and protect us with just as much intensity as he does all those other things. But that’s not the way it works. Sorry.

The man you marry can — and should — be driven, passionate, ambitious, and sexual. But those drives aren’t any good if they’re not held in check, to be used at the right time for the right reasons. This is true about any of our urges. I mean, you might have the urge to help people in need, for example, but if you don’t choose your moments and channel your efforts to appropriate causes you’ll end up being that person always offering unsolicited advice at dinner parties, and no one likes that person! Trust me.

The man you marry can — and should — be driven, passionate, ambitious, and sexual. But those drives aren’t any good if they’re not held in check, to be used at the right time for the right reasons.

Same with men. The man you marry might be strong and powerful, but if he uses his strength to hurt you, who needs him? (No one, that’s who). On the other hand, if he uses his strength to knock out an attacker who comes at you in a dark alley, well then he’s worth keeping around.

You Can’t Change Him, So Stop Trying

The biggest mistake women make after falling for a bad boy is believing they can change him. They think: “If I just love this guy enough, he’ll turn into a great guy!” (Or the modern feminist version of this: “If I berate and belittle this guy enough, he’ll turn into a compliant beta male.”) But read my lips: No. He. Will. Not. A man who yells at you, belittles you, ignores you, or (God forbid) beats you, while telling you he loves you, is not a man. He’s just walking around looking like one. Get rid of him. You’re better than that.

The biggest mistake women make after falling for a bad boy is believing they can change him.

This is not to say that men can’t change. They can. Especially younger men. They can find God, get therapy, join the military, or do any number of other things that jolt them into an understanding of the responsibilities that come with their masculinity. But that has nothing to do with you. If you meet him before he’s done that, he’s a bad boy, stay away.

Marry a Good Man, Not a Bad Boy

If you’re someone who finds yourself attracted to bad boys remember this: the raw masculine energy that is drawing you in can also be found elsewhere. It just looks different in a man than it does in a boy. A bad boy lets his male urges control him (and sometimes you). A good man controls his urges and channels them. He uses them to protect you, to love you, to care for you, and to honor you. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t do that, then he’s not husband material (and you probably shouldn’t be dating him either).

Don’t marry the bad boy. He will not change. He’s attractive, he’s exciting, he makes your blood race, but he won’t treat you with the respect, dignity, and care that you deserve. Find, instead, a man who still possesses all that wonderful maleness you find yourself drawn to, but would never use it to hurt you.

A bad boy lets his male urges control him (and sometimes you). A good man controls his urges and channels them.

Whatever you’ve done in your life, whatever mistakes you’ve made, whatever you’ve been told by the bad boys you’ve dated, you don’t deserve to be treated like garbage. Men don’t hurt the women they love, and you deserve to be loved. Let me say that again, just in case you’ve been told you don’t so often you’ve come to believe it’s true:

You deserve to be loved.

So don’t give your life to a man who doesn’t respect you enough to channel his baser urges. He’s not worth it. And you are. Marry a good man. A man with all that wonderful maleness inside him, but channeled for good. Your good. And his.