You Can Love Yourself But Still Want To Change

It seems like every issue is polarizing these days, including the way we feel about ourselves. Some people preach radical body acceptance, like Cosmopolitan featuring obese models and fitness influencers. Meanwhile, other accounts on social media constantly tout the need for self-improvement. When you see that someone as uber-successful as Jocko Willink wakes up at 4:30 every morning to get a workout in, you might feel like a slacker in comparison for hitting snooze when your alarm goes off. 

With so many drastically different views on what constitutes perfection in our culture nowadays, it’s easy to get whiplash while scrolling through social media. On the one hand, it’s unhealthy to delude yourself into believing that you’re perfect just the way you are. But it’s also unhealthy to believe you’ll only ever be happy or worthy of love once you’ve improved. 

The sweet spot for happiness is somewhere in the middle. While no one is perfect just the way they are, you don’t need to be perfect to love yourself. It might seem counterintuitive, but happiness and self-acceptance actually come from knowing that you’re imperfect and actively seeking to improve your life. 

Happiness Is a Choice

You’ve probably heard before that happiness is a choice. The older I get, the more I’m convinced that’s true. When I was in my early twenties, I always felt like my perfect life was just around the corner. After I got that fancy new job, after I started making more money, after I lost five more pounds – then I would finally be happy. 

I kept telling myself that my “real life” would begin only after I had changed something about myself, and in the meantime, I was pretty unhappy. One day, I voiced these thoughts to a friend, who looked at me very seriously and said, “But you’re living your real life right now.” 

Happiness comes when you’re living out your values and prioritizing what’s important.

Many of us are so wrapped up in the idea that we need to change in order to be happy that we let our lives slip right by us. While change is a good thing, happiness doesn’t come once you’ve reached some undefinable echelon of perfection or success; it comes when you’re living out your values and prioritizing what’s important to you. 

Living according to your values will look different for every person, but some of the fundamental values that guide many people through life are family, religion, hard work, and living a healthy lifestyle. Having a firm sense of what your values are will help you set meaningful goals, and in order to be happy, you must choose to progress toward a goal that’s important to you. It’s not just accomplishing the goal that’s important, it’s waking up every day with a purpose.

You Should Never Stop Changing

No matter where you are in your life right now or how old you are or how successful you might be, you should still want to change in some way. Not every goal needs to be monumental (though some should). Your goals should have varying degrees of difficulty so that you can accomplish smaller ones along the way toward larger milestones. Some goals could be as small as finishing the book you’re reading for book club or spending more time out in nature or learning a new skill, but we all need goals to pursue in order to feel a sense of purpose. 

Studies have actually found that people are happier when they’re working towards their goals because progress and achievement make us feel good about ourselves. Think about it: Is there a better feeling than finally finishing a big project that really challenged you? You feel a sense of relief, but you also feel competent and secure because this goal was meaningful to you in some way. The goals in your life are a reflection of your values. 

It’s not just accomplishing goals that’s important, it’s waking up every day with a purpose.

Just because you’re happy for a period of time doesn’t mean that you’re done growing though. Even when you accomplish a big goal, that feeling of happiness is fleeting. One accomplishment won’t sustain you long-term, so it’s important to set new goals and always seek to change something about your life, no matter how small. Constant evolution throughout your life is a good thing. 

That’s why the idea that you’re “perfect just the way you are” is such a farce. No one is perfect and no one should stay the same forever. Change is scary, yes, but not as scary as remaining stagnant. To believe that you’re perfect just the way you are is to remain in the doldrums of life forever, and that’s a depressing place to be. Instead, actively seek out changes that will improve your life. You’ll be much happier if you do. 

Closing Thoughts

It’s possible to be kind to yourself while also holding yourself to a high standard. You can (and should!) love yourself while still recognizing that you’re a work in progress. No one is perfect just the way they are, but we’re all worthy of love, worthy of change, and worthy of leading a happy and fulfilling life. 

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