What Is "Negging" And Why Is It Such A Red Flag?

Derived from the term “negative feedback,” negging is when a person makes a deliberate insult in a sneaky form of flirtation to undermine a person’s confidence and raise their craving for approval. 

Who Is Most at Risk?

Naturally, insecure people are more susceptible to negging. Predators prey on who they deem to be “weak” and will take advantage of your “flaws” wherever they can. By using things that upset or affect you on a deeper level, the manipulator raises your need for his/her approval, leading you to want to prove them wrong. 

Some people will “neg” you within your first meeting; others may do it further into your relationship when attraction (or a bond) has already been established. Pickup artists are famous for negging and are usually very good at it; by undermining someone’s confidence, they’re easier to degrade or attack. 

Predators prey on who they deem to be “weak” and will take advantage of your “flaws.” 

Females, by their nature, are more at risk due to general sensitivity and greater insecurity. A “neg” can intrigue a woman for all the wrong reasons; she’s picked up successfully because she suddenly feels like she has something to prove. Negging can be incredibly subtle and difficult to spot, so it’s important that you’re able to recognize when it’s happening.

Spotting (and Shutting Down) Negging

Unfortunately, it can be easy to fall for negging because many women have deep-rooted demons they don’t ever expect to be thrown in their face. Anyone with a soul (or even a basic amount of care) would never even attempt to use such things against you — it’s just cruel. 

It’s important to remember that no real, high-quality man would ever use abusive techniques to “pick you up.” Negging is for losers who have no personality or value to actually gain your attention, so they resort to cheap insults as an alternative. Anyone who attempts to use your insecurities for their own gain is, more likely than not, the more insecure of the two of you, and it’s imperative you keep this in mind.

No real, high-quality man would ever use abusive techniques to “pick you up.”

Even in our youth, we’re taught that men will tease us in order to express hidden affection, and this is all usually quite standard (no one wants to be a Sensitive Sally), but there’s a huge difference between a flirtatious tease and an insult meant to dig into your core. 

Constructive Criticism vs Verbal Abuse

One is productive, the other is patronizing. The problem with negging is that those who do it will often disguise or try to convince you that it’s simply “constructive criticism,” so it’s important to pay attention to what they say and how it makes you feel. 

People who neg may compare you to others in order to put you down, whereas someone giving constructive criticism may use the achievements or examples of others to motivate you. But they’d never compare you to them because by doing so you’d only be left feeling degraded. 

People giving constructive criticism will stop if they realize their advice has been perceived wrongly and that they’ve genuinely hurt or offended you. Someone verbally abusing or negging you, on the other hand, may begin to gaslight you and your feelings. “I’m only joking,” they may say to justify it, never apologizing, just leaving you feeling unworthy and insecure. It’s important to call this behavior out and shut it down. Unfortunately, some people may take pleasure in you being disturbed by this behavior, leading to further escalation. You should always leave an abuser; they won’t learn otherwise. 

Negging consists of backhanded compliments that are far more insulting than they’re flattering. 

People who neg will belittle you; those who give constructive criticism often are just trying to help. If you can’t tell the difference, ask yourself, “How does this statement benefit me?” or even “Does this statement benefit me in any way?” If it doesn’t, let that person know. If they continue to deny their mistreatment and disregard your feelings – leave. 

Some of you may be thinking, “How do I know if I’m just being overly sensitive?” and here’s the thing: you don’t. But if someone has a personality that’s too strong or too much for you to handle, then you’re probably not right for each other regardless, so again, the advice is still – leave. 

Negging Isn’t Just a Flirting Technique

Negging can come from anyone, not just partners or romantic interests. It can come from family members, co-workers, friends, or just anyone in your everyday life.  

Negging consists of backhanded compliments that are far more insulting than they’re flattering. People who neg will often disrespect and humiliate you and show little to no remorse for their behavior. You can often sense if you’re experiencing emotional abuse as you may alter your actions while in their company. If you genuinely fear what this person says or thinks of you, then it’s important to remove yourself from the situation. 

People who neg are abusers, and you should weed them out the second you spot it. 

Try not to drag yourself down to their level; it’s often what they want. Remember, you’re the bigger person. “If you can’t beat them, join them” is a terrible saying, never become what you hate. Stand firm and run from those who are desperate to bring you down. 

People who neg are abusers, and you should weed them out the second you spot it. It’s never an “accident” with emotional abusers, and if you ever have to establish your boundaries with a person more than once, they simply don’t care. Real men respect women, and real men don’t neg. 

*Updated 05.14.2024

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