Your Guide To Dating As An Introvert

It’s no secret that dating can be exhausting. Whether we’re looking for love on dating apps or searching for our perfect match out in the real world, attempting to find the right person for us often takes quite a bit of time and effort. 

Not to mention, once we get a date with a guy we’re interested in, we’re faced with the task of getting dolled up, coming up with good conversation, and putting our best foot forward. For most of us, that’s tiring enough — but for the introverts out there, it’s even worse.

For those who take a bit more time to open up, run out of social battery within an hour, and struggle to feel authentic and make quick connections, dating can be uniquely challenging, draining, and demanding.

With that being said, an introvert’s desire for romance, for a life partner, doesn’t disappear just because the act of dating is tiring for them. Being introverted shouldn’t hold anyone back from finding the relationship they want — so for all the introverts out there, here’s your guide to dating.

Wear Something You Feel Great In 

If you’re already going to be nervous about making a good first impression, the least you can do for yourself is wear an outfit that you feel confident, pretty, and comfortable in — something that feels like you. 

You want your ensemble to not only reflect who you are, but eliminate any possibility of feeling awkward and wishing you’d worn the dress that’s been a favorite for years. Now is not the time to try out those trendy shorts or break in your new heels.

Brainstorm Questions Beforehand

If there’s one thing a lot of introverts struggle with, it’s getting out of our heads. We tend to have a difficult time putting into words what we’re thinking, as well as with coming up with conversation at the drop of a hat, leading to some long silences we’d rather not have on a first date.

But don’t leave it all up to your date to come up with good conversation. Think of a few questions you can ask him beforehand and topics you can explore. Ask him more than just how many siblings he has; ask about what he’s been reading, if he misses his hometown, what his favorite TV show he’s seen this year is and why, what beliefs he’s changed as he’s gotten older, or why/why not he enjoys his job. 

Use your conversations before the date to inform what kinds of topics and questions would make sense to delve into and would inspire an interesting discussion.

Pick a Spot You’re Comfortable In

While every introvert is different, we’re willing to bet there are a few places they wouldn’t feel comfortable in — like a rowdy bar or club, for example. And there’s nothing worse for an introvert on a date than feeling overwhelmed by our surroundings.

Think of a few locations that are comfortable to you, like a little coffee shop, a quiet pub, a peaceful park, or an eclectic restaurant, and suggest meeting there. The more at-home you feel in your surroundings, the easier it’ll be for you to open up and actually have fun.

Capitalize on Your Strengths 

From the time we’re very young, introverts are made aware of what we’re not so good at — taking the lead, acting on impulse, making instant connections with everyone we come across, or being the life of the party.

It’s easy to let this discourage us, but our challenge is to figure out where we shine. Maybe you’re a really good listener and have an uncanny ability to get people to open up to you, or you’re particularly good at observing others and figuring out what they need. Introverts have their strengths too, so zero in on them and use them.

Don’t Pretend To Be Someone You’re Not

Going off the last point, it can be really challenging for introverts to not feel like second-class citizens in a sense — not as lively, interesting, and funny as their extroverted counterparts (all things that introverts can be, by the way. Just differently from extroverts). 

But first dates offer us an opportunity to establish ourselves however we want — to present a person we wish we were. This might lead an introvert to attempt to put on their extroverted mask and pretend to be the outspoken, confident, friendly girl.

Yet, this is ultimately an act that will get tiring, and even leave us feeling totally unseen. The best thing an introvert can do on a first date is be upfront about exactly who they are — and if introverts aren’t his type, that’s okay; there’s plenty of guys who’d love to date an introvert.

Don’t Overthink Things Afterwards

So you made it through the date without spilling anything, letting awkward silences take over, or hiding in the bathroom for a little too long — congratulations, introvert, that’s an accomplishment! But now comes the after-date-anxiety, something many introverts are all too familiar with. Did we laugh a little too hard at that joke? Did we have something stuck in our teeth that came out on the way home and now we’ll never know? Was it weird of us to ask that one question? Was he just pretending to like us? Did he mean it when he said we should do this again?

It’s understandable to replay different moments of the date over and over again, analyzing them and overthinking the last couple of hours. But this is the worst thing we can do — after all, what’s done is done. There’s no point in examining every exchange and interaction again and again, and the likelihood is that we’ll create a negative narrative in our mind and stress out over nothing. 

Distract yourself by calling up a friend and talking things through, turning on your favorite comfort show, or reading a few chapters of your book before heading to bed. We promise, overthinking will only lead to anxiety you don’t need.

If You Liked Him, Don’t Be Afraid To Reach Out

Sure, we’d all love the reassurance of his interest by getting a text from him within 24 hours, letting us know how much he enjoyed his time with us and asking to set up another date. But what introverts need to understand is that he might’ve gone home wondering if we really liked him, too.

It’s not easy to read what introverts are really thinking, and it’s possible that he’ll want to give you space and the opportunity to let him know you’re interested in another date. So if you really liked him and could see yourself dating long term, then challenge yourself to be brave and reach out to let him know you had a great time. 

Closing Thoughts

Being an introvert comes with its own set of unique dating challenges. A low social battery, trouble opening up, and insecurity around our temperament are all very real issues for introverts. But we shouldn’t let these difficulties hold us back from finding romance.

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